Archive for January, 2009
Sue Scheff – Teen Peer Pressure
Peer Pressure leads to “Good Teens Making Bad Choices” which is very common today.
Teen Peer Pressure can be extremely damaging to a pre-teen or teen that is desperately trying to fit in somewhere – anywhere in their school. They are not sure what group they belong in, and those that are suffering with low self esteem can end up fitting more comfortably with the less than desirable peers. This can be the beginning of a downward spiral. When a child doesn’t have confidence of who they are or where they belong, it can lead to the place that is easiest to fit in – usually the not the best crowd.
Keeping your child involved in activities such as sports, music and school clubs can help give them a place where they belong. We always encourage parents to find the one thing that truly interests their child, whether it is a musical instrument, swimming, golf, diving, dance, chess club, drama, etc. It is important to find out what their interests are and help them build on it. Encourage them 100%. They don’t need to be the next Tiger Woods, but they need to enjoy what they are doing and keep busy doing it. Staying busy in a constructive way is always beneficial.
It is very common with many parents that contact us that their child has fallen into the wrong crowd and has become a follower rather than a leader. They are making bad choices, choices they know better however the fear of not fitting in with their friends sways them to make the wrong decisions. Low self esteem can attribute to this behavior, and if it has escalated to a point of dangerous situations such as legal issues, substance use, gang related activity, etc. it may be time to seek outside help. Remember, don’t be ashamed of this, it is very common today and you are not alone. So many parents believe others will think it is a reflection of their parenting skills, however with today’s society; the teen peer pressure is stronger than it ever has been. The Internet explosion combined with many teens Entitlement Issues has made today’s generation a difficult one to understand.
It is so important to find the right fit for your child if you are seeking residential treatment. We always encourage *local adolescent counseling prior to any Residential Treatment Programs or Boarding schools, however this is not always necessary. Many parents have an instinct when their child is heading the wrong direction. It is an intuition only a parent can detect. If something doesn’t seem right, it usually isn’t. If your gut is talking to you, you may want to listen or investigate what your child is doing. Parents need to understand that teen peer pressure can influence adolescents in negative ways. Do you know who your child’s friends are?
If you feel your teen is in need of further Boarding School, Military School or Program Options, please complete our Information Request Form. Please visit Informational Articles for more beneficial information.*Local Therapist should be Therapist/Counselors that “specialize” with Adolescents.
Sue Scheff: Troubled Teenagers?
Source: Connect with Kids
Troubled Teenagers? See How the Teenage Mind Works
Are you dealing with the emotional rollercoaster of raising a teenager? Teens are impulsive, stubborn and moody. A troubled teenager will yell at you one minute and hug you the next. What’s a parent to do? Get The Teenage Brain and see the latest research to help you understand defiant teenagers and how their mind actually works. You’ll improve your parenting skills and learn how to influence troubled teenagers and how to better communicate with them.
Find out what makes defiant teenagers tick.
New research shows that there are clear-cut, physical differences between an adult’s brain and a teenager’s brain – differences that explain typical “teen behavior.” The Teenage Brain is a compelling video program that gives families with troubled teenagers hope while providing the latest facts, tips from experts, advice from health practitioners, stories from teens themselves and much more.
When it comes to teenagers, you can never have enough parenting skills.
If you have teens, part of your job is to develop their mind. New research shows that you can actually shape the structure of your child’s brain – so shouldn’t you understand how troubled teenagers’ or defiant teenagers’ brains work? Now you can.
“It’s important for parents to understand how the brain works because the brain is incredibly responsive to experiences, and the kind of experiences that parents provide can actually shape the structure of the brain.”
- Dr. Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., child
Parents Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff – Bullying, Teen Obesity Friendship and Grumble Bluff
I just read the most lovely and educational book called Grumble Bluff by Karen Bessey Pease. This tale tells of two young girls in that difficult and awkward stage of tweens – one is overweight and one has a horrific and painful situation she is living with. Both are bullied and teased relentlessly. Even reading how some kids are so mean made me feel so sad and angry on the inside.
If you are a parent of a teen or tween – buy this book today – read it and have your child read it. You will feel warm inside at the end and then anxious for the second book. Kathy and Greta (characters) will become part of your family too – and what a great way to open lines of communication between you and your kids.
Synopsis:
In the serenity of Grumble Bluff, the girls discover the power of their friendship; how to triumph over the tragedies of life, and how to laugh again.
Sue Scheff: What is Your Teen Posting Online?
This is a very interesting article that will make parents think when safety trumps privacy – do you suspect your teen or tween is posting disturbing photos or communicating with questionable others? As a parent is is our responsibility to help keep our kids safe online. Having open lines of communication can help tremendously and helping them to understand the consequences of unflattering posts is critical.
We will spy on your teen’s website for you
More and more worried parents are resorting to using data-tracking services to keep up with what their teenagers are doing on the internet, writes Siobhan Cronin
Source: Independent.ie
Irish parents are the best in Europe at monitoring their kids on the internet. However, their kids are the least likely of all European children to turn to mum or dad for advice when something happens to them online.
These were the results of a recent survey by the European Commission into internet supervision by parents.
While our parents might be good at keeping tabs on their kids, cyber bullying is still on the increase, sometimes with tragic results.
Cork girl Leanne Wolfe’s horrific tales of bullying were revealed in her diary, days after her death by suicide last year.
Her sister later told of the nasty text messages and vicious internet entries which led Leanne to take her own life.
It is real-life stories like Leanne’s which have led thousands of American parents — and now a few hundred Irish ones — to resort to using a service that will keep tabs on what their children are reading, and uploading, on the web.
But it’s not just bullying that worries parents. Unfettered access to the web for our kids has also meant open access to them from anyone who is ‘roaming’ around in cyberspace.
This has led some parents to take the ultimate action — spying on their own children.
The founder of Reputation Defender, Michael Fertik, has been called to justify his online service: “Would you like to know your 16-year-old daughter is putting pictures of herself wearing only a bra on the web? Yes. People are not born with good judgment and it rarely develops by 15,” he says.
But another defence of Fertik’s service is, he claims, the prevalence of web bullying.
“When we were at school, we wrote mean notes to each other but you threw the piece of paper out the next day — now it’s on the internet wall forever,” he says.
Fertik’s solution, MyChild, scours the internet for all references to your child — by name, photography, screen name, or social network profiles.
For about €9.95 per month, the ‘online spy’ will send you a report of what your child has posted on the worldwide web.
Its approach is unashamedly tapping into parents’ paranoia: “Worried about bullies? Concerned that your teens’ friends and peers are posting inappropriate materials online,” the site asks.
Fertik, who says he has a “few hundred” Irish customers already, says his company grew out of a need to protect online privacy.
“Young people do the same things that they always did,” he points out. But now it’s on a wall on a web page. The internet is like a tattoo parlour.”
The firm, which started in his apartment in Kentucky, and now employs 65 staff servicing 35 countries, brought in revenues of $5.5m (€4.3m) this year.
He insists there is no “hacking” involved. His staff go through legitimate channels, but are simply better trained in the ways of teenage internet usage than most parents.
“We always encourage the parent to get the password — we don’t want to be spying on kids,” he adds.
One of the things that often causes concern among parents is the practice of their own lives being discussed on a website. “These things have always been discussed by children, but now it’s up there for everyone to see. Things like: ‘My parents are fighting’ or ‘I think they are going to get a divorce’.”
In pre-web days, we all had very intimate conversations with our peers about our home lives — either in person, or on the phone. Now it’s all on the internet, Fertik notes.
Once the offending material is identified, Reputation Defender can delete it, on the instructions of the parent, whether it involves comments, photographs or videos posted on social-networking sites, or on chat rooms or forums.
The service has become so popular that the company now offers packages to adults to manage search engine results, ‘reputation’ for career purposes, and general ‘privacy’ — so that you can stop sites selling your personal information to others.
But that very privacy is the reason that children’s rights organisations around the world have come out strongly against the practice.
Michael McLoughlin of Youthwork Ireland, which provides support and youth services for over 40,000 young people, says that while there may be some justification of the service for younger teens, this could become somewhat blurred when dealing with children of 16 or 17 years of age.
“At that stage in their lives they should really know what they are doing themselves,” he says. Youthwork Ireland is currently preparing guidelines for youth workers dealing with online bullying. “We try to tool them up on social networking, and try to improve the safety aspects.”
The ISPCC agrees that children need to be made aware of the risks of online networking. However, National Childline Manager Margie Roe says that while parents need to respect privacy and maintain trust, they also need to police their children if they think they might be in any danger.
“If a parent is concerned about their child, they have a right to protect them,” she says.
“They need to be careful they don’t damage the trust between them and their child, but if they feel their behaviour is in anyway unusual, or their child is disappearing a lot, then it could be justified.”
This would be particularly relevant if parents are concerned their children might be making plans to hook up with people they have only met online, says Margie.
Michael Fertik is adamant that he is not doing anything ethically wrong.
“If a kid is 18 or older, we won’t do it. Parents who are signing up for this feel they don’t know how to keep up with their kids and they don’t understand Facebook or Bebo.”
He says the children themselves have mastered the art of ‘multiple’ personalities, in order to make discovery of their sites more difficult, but Reputation Defender is on their case.
However, even Fertik’s own ’solution’ can be subject to unsavoury interference. The system flags a query when the last name of the parent does not match the child’s, prompting further requests from the applicant, before they are given information on the child’s use of the web.
Fertik’s attitude appears to be that online surveillance is now a necessary evil in our modern world.
“There is no medical privacy for kids, no legal privacy. We are not suggesting they shouldn’t be allowed use the internet, but it’s like driving a car — you want to make sure they know how to drive first.
“We are not spying on someone else’s kid. It’s a new day, the internet brings new threats, and we need new armour.”
- Siobhan Cronin
Parents Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff – Teen Pregnancy on the Rise?
Teen birth rates up? Parents need to take steps to learn why – what can they do to help their young teens understand having a child is not easy. Before you are faced with this difficult and sensitive situations, continue opening communication about sex as well as contraceptives. Years ago a young teen getting pregnant seemed like the worst possible situation – now having unprotected sex can not only lead to pregnancy and big decisions for young teens, but deadly diseases. Take time to learn more.
Source: Connect with Kids
“It does give them another way to look at themselves, and to look at their bodies as a powerful force and not just sort of ornamental.”
– Laura Mee, Ph.D., Child Psychologist.
One girl gives birth to a baby. Another plays basketball with her brother. What’s the connection?
Studies show girls who play sports are less likely to have sex and less likely to get pregnant. One reason may be these athletes gain confidence and respect for their bodies.
“It does give them another way to look at themselves, and to look at their bodies as a powerful force and not just sort of ornamental,” explains child psychologist, Dr. Laura Mee.
Experts say experiencing pressure on the court gives them the strength to resist pressure from a boyfriend. And, in their free time, it gives them something else to focus on besides how they look, “Their hair, their clothes, their, like reputation… mostly all they want to do is impress the boys,” says 12-year-old Claire.
What’s more, studies have found that athletic girls have higher self-esteem, better grades and less stress.
So, experts say, encourage your daughters to get involved in sports and then cheer them on. “Make it as important that your daughters have sporting events as you would for your son that you treat them as equally as you possibly can, that you support and encourage and that the other children, whether they are male or female, support and encourage each other in their sports activities,” says Mee.
Tips for Parents
Sex is something parents should constantly discuss with their teens, but you should really give your teens “the talk” before summer and Christmas vacation. According to one study, teens are much more likely to lose their virginity during the months of June and December than any other time of the year. Almost 19,000 adolescents in grades seven through twelve participated in the survey, which identified the month they had sexual intercourse for the first time. The survey also asked if the act was with a romantic partner or was more “casual.”
The findings, published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, show June as the most popular month, followed closely by December. Summer and Christmas vacations are believed to be the cause with school out and teens with time on their hands. More events are also planned in June, including high school proms, graduations and summertime parties. The “holiday season effect” makes December the second highest month for teen sex. Experts explained that during the holidays, young females in relationships are more likely to have sex. The holidays usually bring people together and make them closer. The same is true with teenagers.
All studies indicate messages from parents regarding sex are extremely important to teens (Washington State Department of Health). In fact, teens state parents as their number one resource for information on the topic. This talk may be uncomfortable for many parents, so the National Parent Teacher Association (PTA) has provided the following tips for parents:
- Practice. It may take practice to feel comfortable talking about sex with your kids. Rehearsing with a friend or partner can help. Be honest. Admit to your child if talking about sex is not easy for you. You might say, “I wish I’d talked with you about sex when you were younger, but I found it difficult and kept putting it off. My parents never talked to me about it, and I wish they had.”
- Pay attention. Often parents do not talk to their teens about sex because they did not notice they wanted or needed information. Not all teens ask direct questions. Teenagers are often unwilling to admit they do not know everything. Notice what is going on with your child and use that as a basis for starting a conversation about sexual topics.
- Look for chances to discuss the sexual roles and attitudes of men and women with your child. Use television show, ads and articles as a start.
- Listen. When you give your full attention, you show that you respect your child’s thoughts and feelings. Listening also gives you a chance to correct wrong information they may have gotten from friends. As you listen, be sensitive to unasked questions. “My friend Mary is going out on a real date,” could lead to a discussion of how to handle feelings about touching and kissing.
Parents can also share their feelings on the topic through words and actions. The best way is to talk to teens. Even though it may seem like they are not listening – they are. To have a healthy and effective discussion on sex, the Advocates for Youth Campaign encourages parents to:
- Educate yourself and talk with your children about issues of sexuality. Do not forget about discussing the importance of relationships, love, and commitment.
- Discuss explicitly with preadolescents and teens the value of delaying sexual initiation and the importance of love and intimacy as well as of safer sex and protecting their health.
- Encourage strong decision-making skills by providing youth with age-appropriate opportunities to make decisions and to experience the consequences of those decisions. Allow young people to make mistakes and encourage them to learn from them.
- Encourage teens to create a resource list of organizations to which they can turn for assistance with sexual health, and other, issues. Work together to find books and Web sites that offer accurate information.
- Actively support comprehensive sexuality education in the schools. Find out what is being taught about sexuality, who is teaching it, and what your teens think about it.
- Actively voice your concerns if the sexuality education being taught in local public schools is biased, discriminatory, or inaccurate, has religious content, or promotes a particular creed or denomination.
- Demonstrate unconditional love and respect for your children.
References
- Advocates for Youth Campaign
- Journal of Marriage and Family
- National Parent Teacher Association
- Washington State Department of Health
Sue Scheff – Parenting Blogs
Sarah Maria’s Blog – Learning to increase your self image to make better choices. (For parents and teens!)
Parents Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff: Parenting the Next Generation
Kids nowadays are different from the previous generation. They have mobile phones with textbooks stored inside, with computers and laptops that connects to Facebook and YouTube. Some even begin to make money faster than their parents.So as a parent, the challenges to educate and teach them is very different from they way our parents educate and teach us.
Parents Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff – Teen Truancy
As second semester is open, the phones are ringing and the parents have a common thread, their teens are not going to school! Skipping classes and already talking about dropping out.
Truancy is a term used to describe any intentional unauthorized absence from compulsory schooling. Children in America today lose over five million days of their education each year through truancy. Often times they do this without the knowledge of their parents or school officials. In common usage the term typically refers to absences caused by students of their own free will, and usually does not refer to legitimate “excused” absences, such as ones related to a medical condition. It may also refer to students who attend school but do not go to classes. Because of this confusion many schools have their own definitions, and as such the exact meaning of the term itself will differ from school to school and district to district. In order to avoid or diminish confusion, many schools explicitly define the term and their particular usage thereof in the school’s handbook of policies and procedures. In many instances truancy is the term referring to an absence associated with the most brazen student irresponsibility and results in the greatest consequences.
Many educators view truancy as something much more far reaching than the immediate consequence that missed schooling has on a student’s education. Truancy may indicate more deeply embedded problems with the student, the education they are receiving, or both. Because of its traditional association with juvenile delinquency, truancy in some schools may result in an ineligibility to graduate or to receive credit for class attended, until the time lost to truancy is made up through a combination of detention, fines, or summer school. This can be especially troubling for a child, as failing school can lead to social impairment if the child is held back, economic impact if the child drops out or cannot continue his or her education, and emotional impact as the cycle of failure diminishes the adolescent’s self-esteem.
Parents Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff – Financing Your Teen’s Residential Therapy
With today’s economic situation, it is becoming more difficult for parents to secure finances to assist with the high fees of residential therapy. Here is a list of some possible avenues. Many banks have raised their standards for qualifications (requiring a higher FICO score) among other requests. Some banks have literally stopped participating in Educational Loans.
Have you recently discovered the high costs of Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Therapeutic Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, Wilderness Programs and other avenues of academic and emotional growth assistance?
For the average middle class family the fees can be staggering. Even people of means can have sticker price shock at the tuition of these programs. Due to the extensive costs of operating these specialty schools with the appropriate licenses, credentialed staff as well as certified educational accreditations, it is extremely expensive.
The average cost of private Therapeutic Boarding Schools and Programs is about $4000.00 per month, usually all inclusive. There is usually a processing fee that is separate from the tuition that can range from $1500.00 – $2500.00. This fee usually includes insurances, administrative costs, and other various costs such as uniforms, haircuts, toilettes, field trips etc. Other programs will have an additional fee for uniforms. When choosing a program, be sure to ask specifically what is included and what extra fees can be expected. If a private program is less than $3000.00 per month, please be sure to do your research.
Many programs offer a discount if your full tuition is paid up front. This is an individual decision, depending on your financial circumstances as well as your family’s needs.
Educational Loans:
Financing these programs can be available to you in a variety of ways. The Educational Loan is one that is typically used by many families. There is usually no application fee and allows the family to have a reasonable monthly fee within their financial means. It is very similar to a college loan. Key Bank, Sallie Mae, Chase Bank, Clark Custom Loans and PrepGate are the most common used lenders for Educational Loans.
College Fund Option:
If a child has a college fund, it may be a good time to use it. Although we expect our children to go to college, when the time comes and he/she is ready for that step, and you have exhausted your college fund, there are always grants and scholarships to a wide variety of colleges that you could apply for. Getting your teen the help he needs to ensure he makes it to college is what you are concerned with at this time.
Individual Educational Plan (IEP):
Does your child have an Individual Educational Plan (IEP) through your local school district? In some cases this may defer some of your tuition costs in respect to the academic component of a Boarding School or Program. If you have an IEP in place for your child, it is important to ask the school or program you are considering if they work with IEP’s and discuss the reimbursement process. For more information on IEP’s click here http://www.ed.gov/parents/needs/speced/iepguide/index.html
Credit Line/Home Equity:
Another popular alternative to financing a program is a Home Equity Credit Line. This can be beneficial to you in a few ways. Not only is a convenient way to access money that is needed, it can also be a tax deduction in regards to the interest payments. Please keep in mind, in some cases the program you are sending your child to can also be a tax deduction in regards to medical expenses. Usually the therapeutic and medical portion of the tuition can be deducted. Check with your Tax Preparer or Accountant for more information.
Credit Cards:
Credit Cards, although they usually have a high interest rate, may be able to provide you with the initial monies to enroll your child until you are able to access an Educational Loan, Credit Line, or other means of payment. Many parents will use a Credit Card that accumulates Airline Miles or other beneficial services, and then pay the credit card off within the 28-30 days with their credit line or other financial means. This prevents you from being charged the finance charges. It can be a way to earn airline travel that can help when it comes time to visit your child if they are out of state.
Medical Insurance:
Contact your Medical Insurance Provider to see if they cover residential placement. Some will cover the first 30 days or possibly the therapeutic portion of your child’s stay which is usually one third of the tuition. PPO’s are typically more likely to cover some costs, however it never hurts to check with your insurance company. In searching for programs, you may want to ask the program if they accept your insurance or have experience with how much you could expect from your specific insurance company.
Family, Church, or Employer:
Many families will borrow from relatives or in some cases; employers have been known to contribute to the family. In some cases this could also be a tax deduction for a relative or employer. Some churches will have specific funds to help families within their parish. If you are a member of a church or other faith based organization, it can’t hurt to ask.
Scholarships:
Don’t be afraid to ask the program if they have scholarships, some do have limited financial aid, so it is important to ask.
My Blog on Financing keeps up with new lenders as they become available. Always remember your local United Way and see what resources they have available.
Parents Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff – Parenting the ADHD ODD Teen
Source: ADDitude MagazineADHD behavior issues often partner with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) — making discipline a challenge. Try these strategies for parents of ADD kids.
Every parent of a child with attention deficit disorder knows what it’s like to deal with ADHD behavior problems — sometimes a child lashes out or refuses to comply with even the most benign request. But about half of all parents who have children with live with severe behavior problems and discipline challenges on an almost daily basis.
