Archive for November, 2009
Parents Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff: TV Inhibits Reading
This topic is not new. With the expansion of cable networks, Internet and video games, our kids/teens are spending more time in front of “screens.” Whether it is a television – computer – or cell phone – more and more kids, starting younger in age, are spending more time “watching” rather than reading. What can we do to promote reading? Learn more in this article from Connect with Kids and some great parenting tips.
Source: Connect with Kids
TV Inhibits Reading
“Television just presents material. It doesn’t question it. It’s the questioning and the understanding that the kids really need.”
– Suzanne Starkey, M.D., Psychiatrist
According to the latest Neilsen survey, the average 11-year-old watches more than 28 hours of television a week; the average five-year-old- 32 hours a week. And new research suggests that all those hours have an impact on their vocabulary.
Like most children, Zachary and his little sister, Brooklyn, like to watch television.
“Usually I watch Nickelodeon, Disney Channel, Animal Planet,” says Zachary. Brooklyn’s favorite show: “Sponge Bob.”
The children’s parents try to set limits – usually an hour of television a day, sometimes more on the weekends.
“I do think too much is not good because you are just kind of brain dead when you are watching TV. A little of the right thing can actually be okay,” says Lisa Busman, Zachary and Brooklyn’s mother.
A University of Washington study finds that the more TV that a baby watches, the smaller their vocabulary. In fact, for every hour of TV, a child learns six to eight fewer words compared to babies who never watch TV at all.
Psychiatrist Dr. Suzanne Starkey explains, “Television just presents material. It doesn’t question it. It’s the questioning and the understanding that the kids really need.”
She says the same rules apply to videos that claim to be educational. To learn, babies require face to face interaction. “When we’re learning about language, the back and forth interaction between mother and child is very important. That’s where the child will learn sounds, and that’s where the child will learn some degree of inflection.”
Experts say instead of passive activities, children of all ages are better served by being active – playing, learning an instrument, spending time with family, and of course reading, which is exactly what Brooklyn and Zachary love to do.
Nearly 40 years ago, a critic dubbed television a “vast wasteland.” The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) is weighing in with its own opinion. AAP officials released statements that say television can have negative long-term effects, such as weight problems and lack of creativity, on children.
Nancy Beyer has pulled the cable at home and bans all television on weekends for her 12-year-old daughter.
“It makes me use my imagination more than lots of kids do,” says Beyer’s daughter, Jessica.
Although Jessica’s mother hopes that the television ban will nudge her daughter to become more sociable, Jessica admits at times the opposite is true. She says she feels excluded at school when other kids are discussing what shows were on and she has to remind them that “we don’t have cable.”
Some experts say that by dismissing television, parents may miss some key teaching opportunities with their kids. Dr. Vincent Ho, a psychiatrist, says that parents should not let the television become a passive experience but should use it to stimulate discussion. He suggests that even bad television can be a good learning tool and that many opportunities to discuss what is going on exist.
Tips for Parents
A study completed by the Annenberg Public Policy Center found that 57% of parents with preschool children believe that television has done more good than harm. However, the opinions were different among parents with children aged 6 to 11. Their opinions were primarily based on the belief that a lack of quality programs for older children exists.
Based on its study, the AAP makes three major recommendations for children and television viewing:
- Children under 2 years old should not watch television. Children under 2 need to receive stimuli from interaction with older people for proper brain development.
- Older children should not have television sets in their bedrooms. By keeping televisions in common areas of the house, you are better able to monitor your child’s viewing.
- Pediatricians should have parents fill out “media history” forms along with medical history information. Spending too much time in front of the television (video games, computers, etc.), can lead to physical health issues, such as obesity. And in younger kids, it may contribute to the lack of development in cognitive skills.
While watching television can jumpstart discussions with your child, it is important that you encourage your child in other active and educational endeavors. The Medical College of Wisconsin offers the following advice for limiting your child’s television and other media intake:
- Ask your child to tell you what his or her favorite shows are and together predetermine which ones he or she will watch on a regular basis.
- Set limits to time spent on the computer when not engaged in schoolwork. More than one to two hours per day is excessive.
- Help your child to structure the rest of his or her time by looking for opportunities in the community, such as after-school sports, school-based clubs, scouting and school or community artistic endeavors (band, orchestra, etc.).
- Make frequent trips to the library and help your child choose age-appropriate books to read.
- Play games or sports with your child.
- Last but not least, set a good example by limiting your own television time.
References
- American Academy of Pediatrics
- Annenberg Public Policy Center
- Extreme Learning Center
- Medical College of Wisconsin
- Neilsen Survey
Parents Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff: Communication with Teens
Communication, communication, communication is key to parenting. Especially with teens, however we need to start much earlier in order to keep these lines of communication open. School Family, which is one of my favorite websites that offers a wide variety of tips, resources, advice and so much more, recently came up with 20 great questions to break the ice with your kids and get them talking! Take a few minutes to learn to talk to your kids on a regular basis.
Finding out how things are going in your child’s life sometimes takes a bit of strategizing. These tips and questions can help you get the conversation started.One day your child tells you everything, from the consistency of the macaroni and cheese in the cafeteria to the hard words on the spelling test to the funny conversation she had with her best friend.
The next day…poof.
Parent: “So, what’s going on at school?”
Child: “Nothing.”
For many parents, the information they receive about what’s happening at school ebbs and flows, especially once their kids hit 10 or 11 years of age. Even younger children may be reluctant sometimes to share the details of school life.
It doesn’t mean that something’s wrong or that you’re somehow missing a key piece of the parenting puzzle. It may simply be that your child is asserting independence and craving a little privacy. “No one tells parents this,” says Peter Sheras, a clinical psychologist and professor at the University of Virginia who specializes in adolescent relationships, family relationships, and stress. “Parents feel they are not very good at parenting.”
Of course, that’s not the case. You might just need to tweak your approach. Don’t interrogate, Sheras says. Kids don’t want to be grilled. Be subtle; be patient. Learn to listen intently to the words your child does offer. Watch your child’s body language and demeanor. Avoid yes-or-no questions if possible, and be specific. Try escalating—starting with simple questions and gradually delving into more sensitive topics.
If all else fails, wait it out. Try again later with a different approach, such as choosing a different time of day to start a conversation or taking your child out for a burger before asking questions. In a place where she’s comfortable, she might feel more talkative.
Don’t start the conversation with “We need to have a talk,” Sheras says: “That’s when a child dives under the table.”
Here are some questions that can help you get started.
- “I know you were stressed out about that math test. How did it go?”
- “I’m really proud of how well you’re doing in school. What are you studying these days that really interests you?”
- “You seem to have some good teachers this year. Which one is your favorite?”
- “If you could make up a teacher from scratch, a perfect teacher, what would he or she be like?”
- “When I was your age, I really didn’t like social studies. I just didn’t see the point in studying how people in Russia lived or what kind of languages Native Americans spoke. What subject are you really not liking these days?”
- “What’s your favorite time of day at school?”
- “What do you think about your grades? How does your report card compare with what you were expecting?”
- “We used to have the meanest boy in my class when I was your age. I still remember what a bully he was. Do you have anyone like that in your class?”
- “I’ve been reading a lot in the news about kids picking on other kids. What about at your school? Is that happening?”
- “I’m hearing a lot about bullying on the Internet. It sounds a little scary, but I really don’t know what it’s all about. Can you tell me about it?”
- “I noticed a few new kids in your class. Which ones have you been able to get to know? What are they like?”
- “I know it was hard for you when Kenny transferred to a different school. How’s it going without your best friend around?”
- “Who did you sit with at lunch today?”
- “I’m sorry you didn’t get invited to Sarah’s birthday party. I know you’re disappointed. How have things changed between you and Sarah now that you’re not in the same class?”
- “I really like the way you choose such nice friends. What qualities do you look for in a friend?”
- “I know you really like your new friend Caroline, but whenever I see her she’s being disrespectful to adults. Why don’t you tell me what I’m missing? What do you like about her that I’m not seeing?”
- “I can tell it embarrasses you when I insist on meeting your friends’ parents before letting you go to their house, but it’s something I need to do as your mom. Is there a way I could do it that would make you feel more comfortable?”
- “How’s it going with your activities and schoolwork? What would make it easier for you to manage your schedule and responsibilities?”
- “I feel like I haven’t talked to you in ages. How about we go for a walk and catch up?”
- “I’m sure I do things that embarrass you. What do I do that embarrasses you the most?”
Talking with your child should be an ongoing process. Keep the dialogue open, and be available so your child can find you when she feels like chatting.
One final piece of advice from Sheras: “Keep talking even when you think your kids aren’t listening,” he says. “Your children are listening whether they act like it or not.”
Follow School Family on Twitter @SchoolFamily
Parents Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff: Teens and Drug Use
Personally, I don’t think parents of kids today can hear enough about the dangers of drug abuse. It has never been more deadly, and that is not saying it was not deadly years ago, however the access seems to be easier and the peer pressure is growing. When I hear parents tell me their teen is “only smoking pot” it bewilders me that many don’t understand that is the gateway to many other substances for many kids. I won’t say all, but many will start with pot and graduate to meth, crack, and so many others on the streets now. One of the most dangerous, in my opinion, is heroin. Take a few minutes to read a recent article by Connect with Kids about this drug and some parenting tips.
Source: Connect with Kids
HEROIN
“Yeah, you can snort heroin. Definitely snort heroin. That’s what I do.”
– Christina, 18 years old
In Illinois, Oregon, New York, Alabama and several other states, police are reporting an increase in the number of deaths of young people from an overdose of heroin. In fact, today government surveys show that over 25 percent of high school seniors say heroin is “fairly easy to buy.”
“Smack”, “H”, “Junk” … they’re all street names for heroin. And anecdotal evidence suggests the use of this drug may be on the rise for two reasons, experts say.
First, many kids already using prescription drugs are looking for a new and cheaper high.
“Kids are looking for something different. And this is something different. Every addict- anybody who’s ever been addicted to drugs is always looking for that perfect high, the thing that will get them feeling the way that they want to feel, but they still want to convince themselves that they’re in control. And so addicts are constantly looking for new drugs, new combinations, new ways to take drugs and this is just an extension of that,” explains substance abuse counselor, Dr. Robert Margolis.
Second, heroin today is purer and more refined, which means it can be snorted instead of injected.
“Yeah, you can snort heroin, definitely snort heroin. That’s what I do,” says 18-year-old Christina.
That makes heroin more appealing to kids afraid of sticking a needle in their arm.
“It’s a way for kids to rationalize doing a drug that is highly addictive and highly dangerous. Of course, it’s in no way safe, it’s in no way ok, but it’s a way that in their minds they convince that it’s safe,” says Margolis.
That’s exactly what Christina thought. “I won’t do it because I know shooting things up is stronger and it makes it more addictive.”
But, Margolis warns, it won’t be long until they’re looking for a stronger high. “Give them time. After a few years of snorting, they’ll be shooting up. There’s no doubt about it.”
Heroin is an illegal, highly addictive drug. It is both the most abused and the most rapidly acting of the opiates. Heroin is processed from morphine, a naturally occurring substance extracted from the seed pod of certain varieties of poppy plants. It is typically sold as a white or brownish powder or as the black sticky substance known on the streets as “black tar heroin.”
According to the National Institutes on Drug Abuse, although purer heroin is becoming more common, most street heroin is “cut” with other drugs or with substances such as sugar, starch, powdered milk, or quinine. Street heroin can also be cut with strychnine, fentanyl or other poisons. Because heroin abusers do not know the actual strength of the drug or its true contents, they are at risk of overdose or death. Heroin also poses special problems because of the transmission of HIV and other diseases that can occur from sharing needles or other injection equipment.
Tips for Parents
Heroin enters the brain, where it is converted to morphine and binds to receptors known as opioid receptors. These receptors are located in many areas of the brain (and in the body), especially those involved in the perception of pain and in reward. Opioid receptors are also located in the brain stem—important for automatic processes critical for life, such as breathing (respiration), blood pressure, and arousal. Heroin overdoses frequently involve a suppression of respiration.
After an intravenous injection of heroin, users report feeling a surge of euphoria (”rush”) accompanied by dry mouth, a warm flushing of the skin, heaviness of the extremities, and clouded mental functioning. Following this initial euphoria, the user goes “on the nod,” an alternately wakeful and drowsy state. Users who do not inject the drug may not experience the initial rush, but other effects are the same.
With regular heroin use, tolerance develops, in which the user’s physiological (and psychological) response to the drug decreases, and more heroin is needed to achieve the same intensity of effect. Heroin users are at high risk for addiction—it is estimated that about 23 percent of individuals who use heroin become dependent on it.
References
- National Institutes on Drug Abuse
Parents Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff: Seven Deadly Parenting Styles
As Part 3 continues in my series about Dr. Michele Borba’s Big Book of Parenting Solutions, we explore detrimental parenting styles.
“Take a minute to review each style and be brutally honest. Might any of these be what you’re using as a parenting approach? If so, here is a crucial point to know: before you change your child, you must first change how you respond to your child. Might your parenting approach need altering first?” - Michele Borba.
Here are the 7-deadly parenting styles with a brief header. You will have to order this book to find out the answers! That is what a sneak peek is. For every parent out there, this is a must have in your parenting library. If only they gave you this book out when your child was born, it could have saved us a lot of bumps and potholes.
Deadly Style 1: Helicopter Parenting - Hoover over your kids, hurrying to smooth everyone of life’s bumps…. (continued on page xxii in the introduction)
Deadly Style 2: Incubator “Hothouse” Parenting - Pushing your kids into learning earlier than appropriate for their cognitive age and developmental level… (continued on page xxiii in the introduction)
Deadly Style 3: (Quick-Fix) Band-Aid Parenting- Relying on fast solutions to temporarily fix a problem instead of aiming for real, lasting change…. (continued on page xxiv)
Deadly Style 4: Buddying Parenting – Placing popularity with your child above establishing limits and boundaries or saying no…. (continued on page xxiv)
Deadly Style 5: Accessory Parenting – Measuring your worth and success as a parent on the basis of your child’s accolades… (continued on page xxv)
Deadly Style 6: Paranoid Parenting – Obsessively keeping your child safe from any physical or psychological harm… (continued on page xxvi)
Deadly Style 7: Secondary Parenting – Relinquishing your influence such that your children’s world is controlled more by outsiders, including corporations, marketers, and the media…. (continued on page xxvi)
Next sneak peek: S-E-X, yes that dreaded parent/child conversation is here (page 394) – don’t miss this!
For those that don’t have time to read, this is the perfect book for you since it is not the type of book you sit down to read. As parenting questions come up, you can go straight to the index and find the page number. Immediately you will see the pages divided by boxes, quick tips and advice and easy to read and understand resources. Did I mention she also gives you proven research and statistics?
Previous sneak peeks: (1) Gratitude Recipes: Big Book of Parenting Solutions, (2) Parenting 101: Ungrateful teens and children (3) Seven Deadly Parenting Styles, (4) Sex Talk with your Children
Order The BIG BOOK of Parenting Solutions today! Whether it is for yourself or as a gift, you won’t be disappointed.
Click here for more articles on parenting. Don’t forget to subscribe to my latest articles, and you won’t miss the sneak peeks inside this valuable book as well as other great tips, resources and stories.
Reminder: Holiday Safety Tips.
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Parents Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff: Ungrateful Teens
As part of my continuing series of Dr. Michele Borba’s insights and sneak peeks inside her Big Book of Parenting Solutions, we will review signs and symptoms of an ungrateful child. This is Part (2).
•Bad manners: needs constant reminders to say thank you or show his appreciation
•Envy: wants what others have, envies others’ possessions
•Lack of appreciation: takes for granted your daily kind and thoughtful gestures
•Huge sense of entitlement: feels he deserves to have luxuries or privileges
•Dissatisfaction: always seems to want “more,” better,” or “new”
•Materialism: values only material things, brand names, or the “latest”
•Self-centeredness: is unwilling to reciprocate with gifts or kind acts to others
•Ungraciousness: acts disappointed with presents, blurts out “I didn’t want this”
•Thoughtlessness: doesn’t consider other person’s feelings or the thought or effort that went into her gesture
THE SOLUTION:
Step 1. Early Prevention
•Model gratitude. Kids learn by seeing others display appreciation in everyday, unplanned moments. How often do your kids see you convey your appreciation with hugs, words, or small notes to others? (Much more on page 226 in Big Book of Parenting Solutions).
•Set limits. Having too much “stuff” squelches appreciation. (Read more on page 226 in Big Book of Parenting Solutions).
Michele Borba offers three more beneficial steps with much detail in her Big Book of Parenting Solutions. These are some sneak peeks and hopefully you will see the value in owning a book of this magnitude in your parenting library.
Next sneak peek: The Seven Deadly Parenting Styles - don’t miss this!
For those that don’t have time to read, this is the perfect book for you since it is not the type of book you sit down to read. As parenting questions come up, you can go straight to the index and find the page number. Immediately you will see the pages divided by boxes, quick tips and advice and easy to read and understand resources. Did I mention she also gives you proven research and statistics?
Previous sneak peek: Part (1) Gratitude Recipes: Big Book of Parenting Solutions, Part (3) Seven Deadly Parently Styles
Click here for more articles on parenting. Don’t forget to subscribe to my latest articles, and you won’t miss the sneak peeks inside this valuable book as well as other great tips, resources and stories.
Reminder: Holiday Safety Tips.
Parents Universal Resource Experts: Sue Scheff – Parenting Teens can be Challenging
Parenting teens today has become one of the most challenging jobs with a new generation of technology, peer pressure, substance abuse, and much more.
As a Parent Advocate, I continuously help parents with today’s teen issues. Many call my organization, Parents’ Universal Resource Experts, at their wits end.
Here are some article that I encourage parents of teens and tweens to take the time to read. An educated parent is a prepared parent. A prepared parent can lead to a safer teenager.
School Violence: The dangers of bullying
Teens Shoplifting and Stealing
Click here to learn more about the author.
Also on Examiner.com
Parents Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff: Teens and Movie Etiquette
Do you know what your teen does at the movies? Movie Etiquette – talk to your teens.
As a frequent movie goer, I must say if parents could see how their teens are acting in public, they would be more than humiliated. I am not saying my teens were perfect, I am almost afraid to ask them at this point (they are young adults now). I will take it a step further and say I don’t remember my generation having this much lack of respect for others, especially those in authority.
Then I was thinking, I am sure their parents don’t know and maybe if they did, they would speak with their kids about this behavior. With this, I am going to share with you some less than appropriate behaviour I have witnessed, and hoping that parents reading this will sit down and talk with their teens about what happens when they go to the theatre.
At $10.00 and up now for an average movie ticket price, I am confident that most of us would like to enjoy the movie – and the parents paying for their teens to attend, I am even more confident they wouldn’t appreciate or approve their teens acting like this:
Teens travel in groups, which is not a bad thing until: They bounce from seat to seat, constantly are laughing and talking (while the movie is in session), and let’s not forget the constant texting. The glowing phones can be annoying. When the cell phone rings, they actually answer it and continue a conversation! As a side note, laughing during a comedy is normal – laughing and chatting with your friends out loud when the movie is running and others are trying to listen, is downright rude.
Note to parents: Talk to your teens about this.
I am in South Florida; we are air-conditioned very well down here. Do parents know how their teens leave the house? I will share my experiences with my teen daughter. She walked out respectfully, however I soon discovered she had her alternative (less than appropriate) clothes to change into in her back pack. Parents, check that back pack!
Girls will come in with the skimpiest tops and short shorts! Their only way to keep warm is the hair on their shoulders that is constantly being fussed with – during the movie!
Note to parents: Talk to your teens about this.
Should we get into the teens that only come to the movies to “make-out.” You may think I am being a prude, and didn’t we all do this once? Many did, but usually they were at drive-ins (which are rare here or maybe even extinct in many places) when we didn’t have dozens of eyes on us. Parents, please talk to your teens about this. If they need to display this sign of affection, maybe you can allow them in your family room, since honestly – most of the public does not enjoy watching it. I would think the ones that do, you should be even more worried about.
Note to parents: Talk to your teens about this.
I am sure there may be some parents that think I am being ridiculous, however I believe there are more of us that would appreciate old fashioned common courtesy in the theatre. Today’s generation of kids seem to have lost that respect for authority, however it doesn’t mean that our teens have to follow that trend. Be a parent, be an example, show them you care.
Note to parents: Talk to your teens – period.
Note to movie goers: You don’t have to tolerate this behavior, find the manager, they will swiftly intervene and many cases these kids are removed from the theater if they don’t stop. From experience, many will stop, however you also have missed part of your movie.
Note to readers: I am not saying all teens are like this, but to be on the safe side, talk to your teen.
Sue Scheff: Holiday Gift Ideas for Teens
It is not a secret buying for teens at the holidays can not only be expensive, it can be difficult. They seem to want items we barely understand (technology). With this comes high ticket gadgets which are difficult for many families struggling in today’s economy.
Most can’t go wrong with gift cards to their favorite stores, movie gift cards, mall gift certificates and don’t forget good old fashion cold cash is the best to satisfy most teens. However when I speak with parents of teens today, their financial resources is strained more than usual.
Buying gift certificates are always good, however we have to remember many of the items our teens want are more than an average gift card. What does this mean? Usually you will end up spending more to make up for the difference, or in some fortunate cases your teen will purchase within their means.
Let’s consider gifts that may not cost much monetarily, however will be priceless to your teenager. One of the gifts parents could give their teenager is their TIME. Sounds simple doesn’t it? With today’s fast paced world, usually both parents working full time, or a single parent environment, one gift that will always keep on giving is “time with your kids.” Many are thinking that our teens would prefer to hang with their friends, however deep down I believe all children want to be part of their family. Breaking down the barriers can be difficult, but what a perfect time of year for us to try.
No matter how old they are, every child on some level craves for the attention of their parent(s). Positive attention: Not nagging or complaining about a messy room, failing grades or how they are dressing.
Giving gifts that involve time being spent together, having fun and creating your Kodak moments, can be priceless. Many parents of teenagers have lost the lines of communication.
Although movie tickets have become high in price, if you consider what the cost of buying merchandise and gift cards for stores, the cost of movie tickets for a family can seem minimal. Find a fun family movie, or a suspenseful one (make it a family decision), go out as a family and afterwards your conversation starts with a discussion about the movie. It is starting with common ground, all equal.
Family dinners are becoming a thing of the past. What about everyone helping with dinner and then moving to the family room for a movie or a board game? What happen to the days of Monopoly and Life? Yes, all about the family and spending time together. We need to move away from commercial holidays and think about what holidays are about – family.
This is one of my favorite gift ideas: Giving your teen their personal history! From birth to today!
Parents have you thought about getting those old baby pictures out and creating a scrapbook for your teen? Before you snub your nose that your teen wouldn’t appreciate it, think twice. Start from birth to their first day of kindergarten to their dance recitals, first soccer games and so much more! What about their first birthday parties? And remember those elementary school pictures? I am sure we all have some priceless artwork by our kids we can include. Give your teen a piece of their history only you can give! This is what you call priceless!
You don’t have to be creative to do this. I am far from creative but a quick trip to the dollar store or Walmart and you can start a project your teens will keep forever. You will be surprised, they may even show their friends! You are sharing your pride with them, and they will feel great. This will take time so start now for the holidays.
Thinking back, I wish I had a scrapbook made by my parents. Start today creating your memories and who knows; maybe you and your teenager will discover more things to talk about!
Get those photos out and start planning your priceless gift to your teenager! By the way, this gift has no age limits. I would bet grandparents would love receiving this gift too. The costs involved? Very little, considering the gift that lasts forever.
Remember, Walgreens, CVS, Walmart, Target and others can make photo prints (copies) for less than .25 cents.
Learn more about Scrapbooking: Scrapbooks.com, Simple Scrapbooking, Organized Scrapbooks, MommyPerks, About.com
Also on Examiner.com
