Parents Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff: Parenting 2010 – Squeaking into the New Year

It all comes back to parenting.  Teens will always be teens, but parenting is becoming more and more challenging.  We are not allowed to just “squeak by” when it comes to parenting.  We need to be proactive and keep up to date on all sorts of things.  Issues many parents didn’t even think about 20 years ago! 

Remember, with help/hindrance of technology, doors have opened that have never been entered before.  It is a new time, a new life, and a new road for parenting. The Internet is your new information highway, and all parents need this road map.

Here are a few subjects parents need to be fully aware of and educated about, you can’t just squeak by:

• Bullying – Learn all you can about this topic. 
• Cyberbullying – Take the time to become in tune with your child’s on-line-life.
• Sexting – Talk to your teens about this and the how this can literally ruin lives with a simple click of a send button.
• Chat rooms – One of the riskiest places in cyberspace.  Learn all you can and preach to your kids about it.  Never stop.
• Social Networking – Yes, there are pros and cons to social networking.  Learn them all and teach your kids!  You need to get 10 steps ahead of them virtually.

There are more, but take the time to learn about these major issues.  You will have safer teens.  These are not subjects that you can breeze over, you need to become involved – hands on – and T.A.L.K. to your kids!

Don’t forget to order your FREE FTC Booklet  on cyber safety.  Have you read about Penguin Parenting?

Happy and safe 2010!

Parents Universal Reource Experts – Sue Scheff: Teens and New Year’s Eve – With a Twist

Parenting teens is not always easy, but being involved in their lives can help build your relationship with them and have fun at the same time!

What is on your schedule to ring in the New Year?  What plans do your teens have?  One thing is for sure, most teenagers want to celebrate and have fun, just like many adults plan on doing.  However, for teens we need to find fun things that are age appropriate yet give them a sense of grown-up style!

The twist: Finding the fun that everyone will enjoy! Here are some ideas for your teens and family to bring in a safe and healthy New Year.

• What’s in that punch?  Teenage drinking should never be allowed, but you can create fancy drinks with blenders without the alcohol content.  Spice up the Shirley Temples with a variety of juices.  Let your teens create a drink – have fun experimenting with different sodas and juices!
• Board games are boring! Are they?  Find a game everyone can participate in.  Pictionary, Trivial Pursuit and of course, Twister is always good for a few laughs! Especially as the teens will laugh at the adult attempting to move their bodies in ways that are not as easy as they used to be.
• Go ahead, have a party! Teens love to be surrounded with their friends.  Invite a few over, have a movie marathon, get some great food, create those Virgin drinks and be part of their fun.  Surprise them by even getting the music they like and attempt to break out your moves.
• Dancing! Like a dancing machine, show your teens you are no square, teach them your generation of moves! Do the Hustle!  The fun won’t end and this will be a New Year’s Eve they won’t forget.  By the way, don’t forget to film (video) it!

Ring in 2010 with a bit of the eighty’s, you and your teens will have a blast going into the past and paving out the future! Enjoy, stay safe and be healthy!

Read more on Examiner and watch the dancing video.

Parents Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff: 9 year old Making a Difference

Calling all animal lovers, Zach Wilson is a little boy with a huge heart!  His love for animals is contagious and what a perfect time of year to spotlight this wonderful story. 

On Tuesday, December 22, 2009 Zach Wilson and his goal to feed and take care of pets was featured on NBC Nightly News, Making a Difference and that he is! (Watch video below).

Fourth grader Zach Wilson, along with his mother, Erica, created a food pantry for pets.  Many kids his age are anxiously waiting for Santa to visit them, and there is nothing wrong with that (we were all excited little tots once), however to see this expression of generosity is nothing short of inspirational.

Zach has even bigger plans for the future, he wants to build a sanctuary for animals! 

With today’s economy, many people are having to cut back on expenses.  Zach’s mission is to help as many of them as possible so the pets don’t miss their shots or in need of food.  Here is Zach’s dream:

We need some place that can help people keep their pets, some place that we can have the pantry, discounted veterinary care, a home for disabled and elderly animals to live out the rest of their days safely with people who love them, and can care for them, some place special.

Can you help build his dream?  Learn more about Central Florida Animal Pantry and if you can help, please donate.  Donations needed are not only monetary, there may be a skill you have or even office supplies!  Check out their list. Central Florida Animal Pantry is a non-profit 501 (c) 3 organization.  Your donations are tax deductible.

Follow Zach and his mission on Twitter and Facebook!

Check out our 2009 Inspirational Teens and Kids.  Watch for a profile of Zach Wilson in 2010!

Watch the video and learn more about this 9 year-old that radiates inspiration.

Parents Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff: Who are your teens talking to online?

It is school break, holiday time, and more kids, especially teens, are surfing in cyberspace.  The breaking story of the parents in the UK posing as their daughter to catch predator is an example of the dangers that lurk online.

Chat rooms are one of the riskiest places our kids can mingle in.  It is difficult to monitor all their cyber time, so the best solution is to educate them.  First, parents need to be educated.   Reminder to parents: Order your FREE booklet on Cyber safety from the FTC today.

Here are some Chat Room Safety Tips for Teens:

Source: Assembly of Words

1. Never enter into private chats or private chat rooms with people you don’t know. Most kids know about stranger danger and are taught not to talk to, or give personal details to strangers in the street. The same rules apply, don’t do it with strangers online either.

2. Think before you send a message. Once a message is out there, there is no way to get it back so think before you send the message and be careful about what you let others know about you.

3. Be careful of who you trust or think you know. Online predators specifically target chat rooms as most kids feel safe as they are in the comfort of their own home. Just because you have seen someone’s profile, they are still a stranger.

4. Always use a nickname on your personal profile and don’t include any personal details.

5. Log out if you, in any way, feel uncomfortable and make sure you tell a parent or adult immediately.

6. Stay in control. Never give out personal details in chat rooms, it doesn’t matter how well you think you know them. This includes your name, nickname, address, phone number, password details, email addresses etc. If they are a friend, get their home email address(not an online one) or phone number and communicate personal details that way.

7. Learn how to block and/or ignore people.

8. Never meet anyone you have met in a chat room in person. If you must meet someone in person make sure you discuss it with an adult so that they can make sure its in a public area and with an adult present.

9. Learn how to save parts of your chat room conversations you may want to show your parents or report to the authorities.

10. Look out for your friends. Never use their information instead of yours and make sure they follow the same guidelines. Let your parents know if you think your friend is in trouble or out of their depth.

11. Know how to report any suspicious behavior to your chat room provider and tell your parents. Things like inappropriate comments, asking for personal information, talking about things that make you uncomfortable should all be taken seriously. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed of any inappropriate behavior online, it is not uncommon and it is not your fault, so please tell an adult.

If teens and kids follow these simple steps they will significantly reduce any potential chat room dangers for themselves.

Be sure to be ready for 2010 by making a resolution to learn more about Internet safety and your family.

Parenting 2010 – Getting ahead of your kids technically! T.A.L.K.

Also on Examiner.

Parents Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff: Parenting Resolutions with Solutions (part 3)

On the last half of 101 topics that are discussed in The BIG Book of Parenting Solutions, Michele Borba will delve into the social scene and school.  If you missed the sneak peek series, go back and read about what this massive book has to offer.

Michele Borba Has Answers to Parents Everyday Challenges & Worries

101 topics the author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions can address

SOCIAL SCENE

49. Bad Friends
50. Bullied
51. Bullying
52. Cliques
53. Clothes and Appearance
54. Crushes
55. Disciplining Other Kids
56. Drinking
57. Friendship Breakups
58. Growing Up Too Fast
59. Peer Pressure
60. Rejected
61. Role Models
62. Sex
63. Sharing
64. Steroids
65. Tattles
66. Teased

SCHOOL

67. Day Care
68. Gives Up
69. Homework
70. Leadership
71. Organized Sports
72. Procrastinates
73. Reading
74. Sick Enough to Stay Home
75. Teacher Conference
76. Test Anxiety

The final quarter – Special Needs and Day to Day parenting.

Did you miss the first 50 topics? Go back.<<<<<<

Resolution Reminder: Parenting 2010 – Getting ten steps ahead of your kids with technology.

Watch the short video  and get an inside look at this BIG Book and how it will help you help your kids!  Be a smarter parent in 2010!

Parents Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff – School Break, What Plans do Your Teens Have?

School will be out for the holidays and there will be a lot of idle time for teens.  Do you know have plans for them?  At this time of the year, as well as at spring break, I hear from many parents that are struggling with their good teens making not so good choices.  By the time they call Parents’ Universal Resource Experts, it has usually escalated to a decision many parents don’t want to make.  Should they consider a residential therapy school?

Before it reaches the point of having to make a call for help, let’s look at some options you can encourage your teens to do to keep constructively busy during their holiday time-off.  Hanging out is not always a bad thing, however it can be when it leads to negative activity and behavior.

Having this time-out can is also an opportunity to do things as a family.  Spending more time together helps open up the lines of communication.

1.  Let’s see what movies are playing.  The kids love to hang at theaters, but try to find movies you all can see and make it a family event!  Right now there are many movies playing that the entire family can enjoy such as Blind Side, Nine, Meet the Morgan’s, Invictus (for teens and parents) and of course the upcoming blockbuster – Avartar.  Remember, students can get discount tickets at most theaters.  The most important part of this activity is you are doing it together!

2.  Volunteering at a local Nursing Home, Humane Society, Soup Kitchen etc.  This is a fantastic way to help your teens feel needed and give back.  Take the initiative and visit these places and get your teen excited about giving back. 

3.  Reach out to neighbors that may need your help.  Encourage your teens to meet the neighbors, wash cars, mow the lawn (we are in Florida), shovel snow (for those Northerners), walk their dogs or even just spend some time with them. Maybe they need help wrapping gifts.  It is a perfect time to reach out and give from your heart.

4.  Do you know how many teens actually love culinary arts?  Yes, encourage your teen to find new recipes and learn to cook dinner for the family.  This can also be a family affair.  Take the challenge with new recipes.  Who knows, you may have the next Top Chef in your home!

For more ideas including T.A.L.K.  >>>>> CLICK HERE

Also on Examiner.

Parents Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff: Teaching Teens Appreciation

Holiday time is perfect opportunity to teach your kids and teens how to express their gratitude for the gifts they receive. 

Taking the time to show how much you appreciate a gift or simply wanting to thank someone for inviting you to a holiday party you attended is a practice both adults and children should do.

Teach your child that although they don’t have to write an essay, they need to be descriptive and write with excitement about the generosity someone gave them.  Of course, even if you didn’t care for the gift, it is not about the material item as it is about appreciation.  Someone thought of you and extended a present of thoughtfulness.

Here is a quick template that could help you get your kids started.  Of course you can use your own adjectives and words, but this can give you an idea.  Holiday can be substituted for Christmas or Hanukkah.

Dear [ Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, Friend, etc],

Thank you so much for the ___.  It is [beautiful, just my size, useful, helpful, will be handy for __, perfect, exactly what I wanted, just what I needed, etc.]

Our holidays were [fun, quiet, exciting, lots of food, enjoyable, wonderful etc.]

I really appreciated your [kindness, generosity, thoughtfulness, consideration, visit, etc.]

[Love, Sincerely, Much Gratitude, Cordially, Warmly, Yours, etc.] 

There, wasn’t that easy!  So while you are out shopping for those gifts, don’t for the thank you cards!

Click here to subscribe to my articles on parenting and Internet safety.

Parents Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff: Mother Daughter Conflicts

Well, not sure I should comment or let this speak for itself.  I think all mothers and daughters go through what we can call challenging times.  The good news is usually we all recover from them.  The bad news is with the stress of the holidays it can sometimes become more heated.  Connect with Kids just posted an article with some great tips and information about dealing with our daughters and the conflicts we do and will face.

Source: Connect with Kids

Mother Daughter Conflict

“A lot of it that has to do with, ‘Do I want to be like her or how can I be different and do I want to be different?’”

– Judy Greenberg, licensed clinical social worker

The holidays aren’t all pretty music, sparkling lights and beautifully wrapped gifts. When families spend a lot of time together, there can be conflict and often it’s between two people who one day will be the best of friends.

Lauren and her mother had a good relationship, until she turned 13. “We fought all the time,” Lauren remembers. “And it was usually screaming, yelling, drag-out fights,” echoes Lauren’s mother Terri Breach.

There was less conversation between the two and less time together. Lauren wanted more control over her life. Her mother didn’t want to give it up. “All of a sudden I felt like I just didn’t want to be with her anymore,” says Lauren. “I wanted to be with my friends. I wanted to do things on my own.”

“Which was hard,” says Breach. “It was very hard for me because I was like, ‘Wait, I’m still here.’”

“There’s a degree of loss there, and moms have to prepare themselves for that,” says Judy Greenberg, a licensed clinical social worker.

Experts say conflict between mothers and daughters typically starts during early adolescence when girls begin to search for their own identity apart from their parents – especially their mom. “A lot of it that has to do with, ‘Do I want to be like her or how can I be different and do I want to be different’?” explains Greenberg. When daughters break away, she says, sometimes it hurts.

“It was very hard for me because I still wanted her to be my little girl,” says Breach.

But experts say it’s really not personal. It is a normal part of development and what is needed is an extra dose of love and patience. That’s what worked for Lauren and her mother. They are once again close to each other.

“Part of it,” says Lauren, now 17, “is that I aged and matured. I’m not a junior high kid anymore. I’m a senior in high school, and so I can understand where my mom’s coming from now. And I feel like I enjoy her company more now.”

For Lauren’s mother, the key was letting go of her little girl and embracing her emerging young adult. “She is an incredible, beautiful young woman, and I couldn’t ask for a better daughter.”

Many mothers fear a daughter’s adolescent years. The mother-daughter relationship comprises conflicting feelings: love, anger, worry, resentment, envy and need. Its dynamics change as each female ages.
When daughters become young adults, the focus of the mother-daughter relationship is the daughter’s efforts to become an adult. While this is rewarding for the mother, it is also a significant expenditure of time and energy that focuses on one person — the daughter.

Research shows significant variations in mother-daughter relationships exist between ethnic groups. Euro-American women want to do fun activities with their mothers but also want to maintain certain boundaries. Asian-Indian and African-American women generally turn to their mothers for support, wisdom and advice. Hispanic women tend to want to be dutiful daughters and help their mothers.

The once-prominent fear of growing up to be like one’s mother is termed “matrophobia.” Today’s mothers and daughters are changing. As daughters hit their 20s and 30s, many, if not most, mothers and daughters admire and agree with each other. In addition:

• Past literature shows that the mother-daughter relationship is considered the most significant of all intergenerational relationships.
• The teen years are difficult for a mother because her daughter is basically a child in a very adult body.
• Conflict arises in even the best relationships because both mother and daughter care greatly for one another.
• Estrangement between a mother and a daughter is a combination of individual, familial and societal factors.
• The reasons why mothers and daughters become estranged can be varied and complex.
• Celebrities such as Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore and Meg Ryan have had well-publicized, toxic relationships with their mothers for a variety of reasons beyond fame and fortune.

There are several reasons why mothers and daughters undergo conflict during adolescence. The most common are:

• As the emotional caretakers of the family, mothers often feel responsible for ensuring each child survives and even thrives during adolescence.
• As daughters are blossoming into shapely young women, their mothers are often in or approaching midlife. Mothers may find it difficult to live with adolescent daughters who remind them of their ever-diminishing youth.
• A daughter’s effort to develop her own individuality motivates her to examine her mother’s every action. Mothers typically describe feeling scrutinized by their teens.
• In general, women find handling conflict and anger to be difficult.

Tips for Parents

Society expects women to be good mothers and holds them responsible, more so than fathers, for good parenting. Often, those who fail might be deemed “bad women.”

As hard as it is for most, an important part of parenting is letting go. The best gift a mother can give a daughter — and in turn, as she becomes an adult, that a daughter can give her mother — is permission to be herself. For a mother self-awareness is important, as is not placing undue emphasis, worry and concern on how her daughter turns out.

• Even if you had a great rivalry with your mother, it doesn’t mean the pattern must continue with your daughter.
• Realize that all relationships have downsides. A mother and daughter should focus on the positive aspects of their relationship.
• Invest time and energy in your relationship.
• Begin to give your daughter the tools to make her own decisions when she’s young.
• Enter your child’s world: Listen to her music, even if you hate it. Take a genuine interest in her motivations. Participate in activities together, and be sure some are what she likes, even if it’s something you don’t normally do.
• Start mother-daughter traditions — it’s never too late to begin new ones — and make a promise to keep the traditions alive year after year.
• Trust and communication are key aspects of your relationship. Adult daughters reported that they wanted respect and trust in their relationship with their mothers.
• For minor conflicts, daughters should try to understand the life circumstances, challenges and choices of their mothers.
• When necessary, remind your daughter you are the parent.
• Join a women’s group or look into family therapy together to help resolve serious long-standing problems.

References

• Discovery Health
• iParenting.com
• Mayo Clinic
• Pioneer Thinking

Parents Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff: Buzzed Driving is Drunk Driving

What an important message for this time of the year, and truly, all year round.  Take the time to be an educated parent, have safer teens and potentially save a life.

Did you know that in 2008, nearly 12,000 drivers or motorcycle riders died in alcohol-related crashes? That’s one person every 40 minutes.   Many people are under the misconception that you would have to be “falling down drunk” to be too impaired to drive safely.  That couldn’t be further from the truth.  Last year alone, during the winter holiday season, 420 people were killed in alcohol-related crashes.   You can’t help but wonder if those lives could have been saved if people thought twice before getting behind the wheel.

With the holidays approaching, it’s important that drivers be reminded about the dangers of buzzed driving.  Who knows, it could save a life.

The National Highway Safety and Traffic Association (NHTSA) and the Ad Council are continuing their efforts with their PSA campaign called “Buzzed Driving is Drunk Driving.”   The buzzed driver is one who drinks and drives, but does not consider himself a hazard on the roadway because “only a few” drinks are consumed. The campaign hopes to educate people that consuming even a few drinks can impair driving and that “Buzzed Driving is Drunk Driving.”

During the holiday season help keep “buzzed” drivers off the road.  Learn about the dangers of buzzed driving, share a story or experience you might have had with buzzed driving and follow them on Twitter http://twitter.com/buzzeddriving) and Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/buzzeddrivingisdrunkdriving) to get the latest updates and news from NHTSA.

You can also visit the website (http://buzzeddriving.adcouncil.org/) where readers can sign a pledge not to drive buzzed, play an interactive game to help them understand how drinking can impair driving, and hear personal stories from people who have driven buzzed.

WATCH 30 SECOND PSA VIDEO – CLICK HERE.

Be an educated parent – have a safer teen and holiday season.

Also on Examiner.com

Parents Universal Resource Experts – Sue Scheff: School Safety – School Violence

Today we hear about school violence, bullying, cyber-tragedies, teens hurting teens, and more. Do we need a tragedy or the news to remind us to be nice to each other?  Do we need another teen suicide to help us better understand that sticks and stones can hurt your bones, but words can also break your spirit and your bones.  Emotional damage that needs to be addressed before it escalates to a bad ending.

April Showers  is a film that will take you through the horrific events of a school tragedy through the eyes of a survivor.  Based on actual events, this film acts as both a tool and a story to help educate parents, teachers, teens, kids and anyone working with children. This excellent film outlines how bad things can happen to good people.  How no one is immune to tragedy, however everyone has an opportunity to make a difference and make their school and community a safer place.

One of the last lines in the film is, “I’m sorry, I just always thought we had more time….” Don’t wait until you are saying this line.  Be proactive; learn about school safety and take the time to be a friend to someone who needs one.

Your can order April Showers on Amazon,  Netflix, and most places were DVD’s are sold.

Learn more about School Safety Partners. Visit the official April Showers website at http://www.aprilshowersmovie.com/ and be sure to watch the trailer and follow them on Twitter @AprilShowersMov.