Parents’ Universal Resource Experts

By Connect with Kids

Like many teens, Matt has tons of friends online.  “My buddy list is full.  It over 200 people in there. And it’s just all these people that have the same interests as me that I would have never met, if I just, you know, that don’t go to my school. They’re just around the country.”

According to a recent online survey, one in four kids say their internet friendships are equally or more important than friends met in person.

“Yeah, I mean, like.  Cause of the internet, I’ve, you know, that’s where I found my social group, and I really kinda found out about myself,” agrees Matt.

But are these relationships healthy?

Experts say, on one hand, they give kids an opportunity to try out different personalities without consequence.  “Kids are struggling to find out who they are.  And who they are is in a lot of dimensions,” explains Professor of Psychology, Dr. Larry Rosen.  “Who they are personally, what their skills are, but mostly it’s who they are in a social context, and that’s why these online social worlds like MySpace, all of these kinds of social worlds helps develop their ability to interact with people, and particularly, to do things like post a comment that might be a little controversial for example, and see what kind of reactions they get.”

But, on the other hand, Rosen says, like most things in life moderation is key. 

“Because being in the virtual world, being in front of a screen all day is not sufficient for good teenage socialization.  You need to have a combination of a screen life, and a real life,” he explains.  “And so a good parent will make some sort of boundaries that say okay, you can have screen time, but after a certain amount of screen time you have to have some real outdoor time.  Or some real communication time.  And you can’t talk on the phone, it has to be face to face.  You have to come talk to me, you have to go outside and hang out with some friends – you have to do something that’s in the real world.”

Tips for Parents

Most adults have an Internet-usage history that dates back no more than ten to fifteen years. But those growing up since the emergence of the Internet potentially could have their entire lives documented online. New parents can post online baby books for under $15 annually. Images once stored on a bookshelf at Grandma’s house can be available to the world without password protection. With Bunk1, the same can be said for memories of summer camp.

It is increasingly common for teens to have their own website. Many of these sites have a “blog”, where the owner can post running thoughts on a daily basis. Although some sites, like MySpace.com and LiveJournal.com, require users to be registered, membership is free and easy to obtain. If your child has a blog, encourage them to protect their blog so that can be read only by the friends and family they approve. Consider the following …

• Only 10 percent of families posting their baby’s photos have the site protected with a password.
• Many employers and colleges will enter a prospective applicant’s name in an Internet search engine to research their web presence.
• Remind your child that not only friends and strangers, but also his or her parents, will be reading the blog.
• Regularly monitor your child’s blog and immediately discuss any uncomfortable or inappropriate posts with your child.

It is very important to discuss various aspects of safety with your child, including the Internet and availability of information. Cite modern advances that have changed the world within the child’s lifetime and memory. Explain to your child that while your embarrassing photos and writings might be stored in a closet, an attic or even at Grandma’s home, the electronic versions your child might have will be much more accessible to anyone interested. Also, keep the following in mind:

• If you do opt to post family photos online, be sure to place the images on a secure, password-protected site.
• Search for names on an Internet search engine with your child to show him/her the possible places his/her information could be found.
• Show your child how far e-mails, especially jokes and chain messages, can travel.
• Monitor your child’s web usage and posts. An online diary usually does not have the same rights to privacy as a bound, handwritten journal because the online version is accessible to members of the public outside your home.
• Know what posts, if any, you are able to delete from your child’s blog.

References

• A Parent’s Guide to Internet Safety
• Pew Internet and American Life Project
• Kids Help Phone

10 Tips For Keeping Your Kids Safe On Social Networks

ATLANTA, GA — May 28, 2008 — June is Internet Safety month.  With hundred of millions of teens, pre-teens—and adults—around the world using social networking sites, there’s no better time for parents to be aware of the fun, the benefits, the powerful attractions, and the potential risks that MySpace, Facebook and other similar sites offer their children.

InternetSafety.com, the recognized leader in Internet safety solutions, has assembled a list of practical tips parents can use to ensure a safe networking environment for kids:

• Show Interest — Ask questions about how your child’s preferred social networking site or sites work.  Kids are generally happy to demonstrate their knowledge if you show genuine interest.  You can even ask your teen to show you how to set up your own social networking site—a great way to visit your child’s page and see what’s been posted there.

• Encourage Instinctive Responses — Kids often can instinctively do the right thing, which makes them their own first defense against those who may take advantage online.  Encourage your children to avoid contact with people they “feel funny about.”  Tell them to not reveal anything online they would not want a stranger to know.  Limit the posting of pictures and remind them that once something is placed online, it can never be taken back.
• Know Your Kids’ Passwords — If your child changes his or her password suddenly and refuses to share it with you, that’s trouble.  Insist on knowing how to access his or her accounts—then keep their confidence by not sharing the information with their friends or siblings.
• Set Hours for When Kids Can Access Social Networks — Late nights are the favorite time for predators to seek out their adolescent prey.  Set firm limits not only for the time of day, but also the total amount of time, that your children may access social networking sites.
• Be Aware of Alternate Access Points — Kids don’t have to access their social networks at home.  Libraries, friends’ houses, even cell phones make the Internet easy to reach today.  Keep up with what’s happening on your child’s social networking page and be aware when changes have been made despite the lack of access from home.
• Exercise Your Parental Right to Supervise — There’s a difference between being snoopy and ensuring safe activity.  You don’t have to read every last word of a personal message your son or daughter sends to a friend.  But you do have the right—and the obligation—to see who your kids are talking to, and to know the general subject matter. 
• Check for Photos — By clicking on the Windows “Start” button, you’ll find the “Search” tool.  Click on “Pictures, Music or Video,” the box next to “Pictures and Photos,” and finally “Search”.  Ask your child to identify any photos of strangers, or any other pictures you find questionable.
• Install Filtering Software — PC products like Safe Eyes allow parents to block or record Instant Messenger chats, limit email use to prescribed addresses, block objectionable Web sites (including peer-to-peer file sharing programs that often expose kids to inappropriate material), and receive alerts when kids post personal information on social networking sites.
• Watch for CyberBullying — Encourage your children to tell you immediately if they are being harassed online.  Children also need to know that it is not acceptable to be a party to cyberbullying—or to remain silent when they know others are being harassed.  Visit StopCyberBullying.org or StopBullyingNow.hrsa.gov for excellent tips and information.
• Don’t Lecture — Finally, if you should find reasons for concern, don’t browbeat, insult or condescend to your child.  Have a discussion about values and why they are important.  Respect your child but be firm.  And most of all, lead by example.  Parents have a powerful ability to influence their child’s behavior—and nothing is more powerful than someone who not only talks values, but lives them.

“Parents should never feel that their level of involvement in their child’s social network activity is excessive.  Since 1998, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children’s CyberTipline has logged over 33,000 tips about children being enticed online for sexual acts,” said Shane Kenny, President and COO of InternetSafety.com.  “Better that the parent error on the side of intrusion, rather than bear the consequences of doing nothing.”

About InternetSafety.com

Established in 1999, InternetSafety.com specializes in providing Internet safety solutions.  Its flagship software, Safe Eyes, is the two-time recipient of the PC Magazine Editors’ Choice Award and was rated as the #1 parental control solution by America’s leading consumer advocacy publication.  The company’s Safe Eyes and EtherShield products are providing online protection for PCs and Macs in homes, businesses and schools across more than 125 countries. 

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By Education.com

Introduction: Teens Navigating Cyberspace

If you believe e-mail, blogs, and instant messaging are a completely harmless way for teens to communicate, think again! Many teens have Internet access–often private communication in the form of blogs, chat rooms, and forums. These online communication aids are not themselves a problem. But the ever-present threat of being sexually solicited or bullied while on the Internet is a big problem.

While online, teens may be persuaded to do things or share private/confidential information, to be sexually solicited, and/or to experience public humiliation. Recent testimony on child protection before Congress, alerted the public to online sexual solicitation of teens. However, parents and youth workers may be less aware of “cyber-bullying” in which peers viciously attack one another. This article will define online sexual solicitation and cyber-bullying, explain the risk factors and negative effects of these communications, and outline ways to protect youth from harm.

Online Sexual Solicitation

Online sexual solicitation is a form of sexual harassment that occurs over the internet. Incidents of online sexual solicitation include: exposure to pornography; being asked to discuss sex online and/or do something sexual; or requests to disclose personal information. This can start when an adult or peer initiates an online nonsexual relationship with a child or adolescent, builds trust, and seduces him or her into sexual acts. Several studies have found that:

• 30% of teen girls who used the Internet frequently had been sexually harassed while they were in a chat room. 
• 37% of teens (male and female) received links to sexually explicit content online. 
• 30% of teens have talked about meeting someone they met online. 
• 19% knew a friend who was harassed or asked about sex online by a stranger. 
• 33% of teen girls and 18% of teen boys had been asked about sexual topics online. (Dewey, 2002; Polly Klaas Foundation, 2006) 

There are several signs–traits, life circumstances, and actions–that parents and adults should be aware of in order to keep teens from online communication with sexual predators. Studies find that teens at the greatest risk for online sexual solicitation are:

• females between the ages of 14 and 17 years. 
• teens with major depressive symptoms and/or who have experienced negative life transitions (moving to a new neighborhood, a death or divorce in their family) are especially vulnerable. 
• teens who use the Internet more frequently, for four or more days a week at two or more hours a day. 
• teens who engage in high online risk behavior (including cyber-bullying and discussing sex online with strangers). 

Research has found that about 25% of youth who are sexually solicited felt “extremely afraid or upset” in response to the incident. Preteens to early adolescent (aged 10-13), youth who were solicited more aggressively, and youth who had been sexually solicited on a computer in another persons home, were the most upset and affected (Mitchell et al., 2001). Youth with major symptoms of depression are twice as likely to become emotionally distressed by online solicitation than their peers who report no or few symptoms of depression. These reactions, in addition to the more blatant dangers of teens meeting in person with online predators, point to the need to prevent preteens and teens from exposure to online solicitation.

Click here for the entire article: http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Teens_Internet/

By Connect with Kids www.connectwithkids.com

High school students have always spread gossip in the halls, on the walls and on the phone.  Now, it’s on the Internet, too.  On various message boards specific to communities around the country, kids write about whom they hate, whom they think is pregnant or has an STD and record other often hurtful rumors that may or may not be true.

Sixteen-year-old Jessica remembers once when some kids at her school wrote cruel things about her on the Web.

“They were just making fun of me,” she says.  “You know, she’s really ugly, she’s this, she’s that, ba-ba-ba.”

Jessica’s 11-year-old sister, Emma, admits she’s used the Web to write nasty things about another girl, though she regrets it now. 

“After a while, you’re like, how could I have been so mean?  Like, why did I do that?” she says. 

The other girl’s father eventually became so frustrated with what Emma had said that he came to her door and demanded her mother make her stop.

Experts say gossip on the Internet can be more harmful than the old-fashioned kind.  It’s often anonymous because kids use fake screen names.  It has the power of the written word, so it lasts longer and is taken more seriously.  And, unlikely ugly words on the bathroom wall, there’s no way to scratch it out. 

“Online gossip is to hearsay gossip probably what nukes are to dynamite,” says Dr. Ramah Commanday, a school psychologist.  “It can get EXTREMELY raunchy.”

If your kids are victims of online gossip, Dr. Commanday suggests putting the gossip into perspective.

“Point out to them how what’s being said on the screen differs from what everyone knows about you as a person,” Dr. Commanday says.

You can also try what worked for Emma:  Keep your kids off the offensive website! 

“When she was using it all the time, her name was on there all the time.  People were writing things about her,” explains Patti Thrift, Emma’s mother.  “Since she has no longer had access to that, she’s no longer a topic of conversation.”

Experts say that any time your child is on the Internet, you should know what he or she is doing there.  Online gossip is just another reason why.

Tips for Parents

Most of us remember passing notes during class or swapping stories over lunch with our friends in middle and high school.  But with more teens accessing the Internet these days, it appears that gossip has gone high-tech.  Teens are using message boards, instant messaging and even email to air out their frustrations – often in hurtful language – about their teachers and peers.

According to an Internet Report from the UCLA Center for Communication Policy, 97% of kids aged 12 to 18 access the Internet on a regular basis.  What they’re doing on the Internet, however, may be surprising.  The U.S. Department of Justice reports that approximately one in every 17 kids is threatened or harassed while using the Internet.  In fact, most don’t tell their parents or other adults, and if they do, the adults often don’t know how to stop the online teasing.

Gossiping, whether it’s in the halls or on a message board, more often than not leads to hurt feelings.  According to the Nemours Foundation, if teens spend enough time gossiping and passing on stories they don’t know are true, eventually no one will believe anything they say, even when it is the truth.  Teens who gossip shouldn’t expect to be trusted ever again.  Once friends learn that a peer can’t resist spreading secrets around, they won’t tell him or her anything personal.  And if a teen gossips about personal or important issues, he or she could even end up in trouble at school and at home.  Teachers don’t appreciate students who make it tough for other students to learn, and parents won’t be happy to hear that their child is causing trouble in school.

If you’ve heard your teen taking teasing and gossiping to a hurtful level, it’s time to remedy the situation.  The experts at Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Minnesota offer the following advice for curbing your teen’s gossiping and teasing:

• Cultivate your teen’s compassion.  Talk to him or her about feelings – how emotional blows can hurt as much as physical ones.  “You wouldn’t throw a rock at that boy, would you?  So you shouldn’t call him a ‘zit-face’ either.”
• Give your teen a simple test he or she can use to judge if his or her teasing is playful or hurtful:  “How would I feel if someone said this about me?”
• Talk to your teen about the when and where of playful teasing.  He or she shouldn’t always resort to sarcasm or jokes at someone else’s expense in order to get a laugh.
• Examine your own behavior and that of other family members.  Do you rib your children at length, even after they plead with you to stop?  Do you tease inappropriately, that is, about the way people look or the habits they have?  Are you confusing razzing with teaching and discipline – for instance, do you communicate your frustration about your teen’s messy room by calling him “Mr. Slob”?  Make sure that your own teasing (and that of everyone else in your household) is good-natured, not aggressive or manipulative.

As a parent, it is also important to regulate how your teen uses the Internet.  If you know what your teen is doing while online, you can better prevent him or her from visiting message boards where the temptation to gossip exists.  The Media Awareness Network suggests considering the following questions concerning how your teen surfs the Net:

Are you involved in your teen’s online activities?  Do you know what he or she is doing and whom your teen is talking to when he or she is on the Internet?
Does your family have a set of rules or an agreement for appropriate Internet use?
Do you make Internet use a family activity by guiding your teen to good sites and teaching him or her how to do safe, effective searches?
Have you taught your teen not to believe everything he or she reads online and to check online information with an adult or with another source?
If your teen has her or his own website, have you checked to make sure it doesn’t contain harmful or hurtful information?
Have you talked to your teen about responsible online behavior?  Does he or she understand that making threats or harassing others online can be considered illegal activities?

References

• Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Minnesota
• Media Awareness Network
• Nemours Foundation
• UCLA Center for Communication Policy
• U.S. Department of Justice

Here’s a recipe for trouble: start with a teenager’s impulsive brain, add in a little peer pressure, a video camera and the Internet, and the results are violent assaults, dangerous crashes, and outrageous stunts – all captured on video and posted online. 

On one website, there are videos of kids crashing while rollerblading … skiing while tied to a car … shooting fireworks at a friend.

“I saw this video of two friends, where one guy put himself in a garbage can and his friend pushed him down the street, and then it was going and going, and then bam! he just hit the door,” says Donte, 15.

In other news, eight Florida teens were arrested recently for beating up another teen. How did the police catch them? The teens posted the video of the assault online.

Because of the popularity of video-sharing sites such as YouTube, experts say that each week, kids try even more dangerous stunts to gain their 15 minutes of fame.

“It’s one-upmanship almost,” says Harold W. Phipps, computer forensics expert. “They say, ‘Well, he jumped off a 10-foot ladder … I’m going to do him one better. I’m going to jump off a 15-foot ladder.’  And then it will be a 20-foot and then a 30-foot [ladder].”

“They could say, ‘I jumped off my roof.’  And if someone doesn’t believe them, they could say, ‘Well, go check my Myspace.  I have a video,’” says Derek, 15.

Experts say parents should explain that stunts are not just dangerous — they may also have life-long consequences.

“You could do something stupid and then say, ‘I’m going to erase it.’  But you have to realize that [the video] could have been reproduced by hundreds if not thousands of people who have seen it,” says Phipps.

“It could have all sorts of effects, like when you are trying to go to college, if they see that you are an arsonist, they might not accept you,” says David, 15.

“It never goes away.  It’s a permanent record of your stupidity,” says Griff, 17.

Tips for Parents

Harold W. Phipps, computer forensics expert, The Norcross Group, offers these tips:

• Make sure your kids never use their real name or address when posting material on the Internet. Avoid posting any information that would allow a stranger to locate your child. This includes the name of a school or sports team or the city where you live.
• Take your child’s level of maturity into account when deciding whether he or she can handle a video camera or web cam.
• Make sure kids understand that videos they post on the Internet may damage their reputation. Often kids assume only their friends will view these videos. Explain that teachers, college admissions departments, police departments and prospective employers all scout the Internet to learn more about a person’s character

Additional tips for parents:

• Realize that kids who post videos or profiles on the Internet are more likely to be contacted by a sexual predator. Report any unwanted or inappropriate messages to law enforcement. (Joe Rosen, former FBI Agent)

• If kids do want to post videos online, suggest they do something that would help others see them in a positive light. Have kids exercise their creativity. For example, write, film and video-edit a skit. (Melanie Mitchell, director, iD Tech Camps, Emory location)

References

• iD Tech Camps
• Joe Rosen, former FBI Agent
• Harold W. Phipps, computer forensics expert, The Norcross Group

Internet Safety Websites to help educate parents to protect their children from Internet Predators:

• SafeKids.com

• Wired Safety 

• I-Safe 

• I Keep Safe

For more information on Internet Predators and Teens -  Dateline Series - To Catch a Predator. Check your local listings.

Today’s kids have grown up online. Finding their way around the Internet and posting on social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook is part of their every day life. But in this online world … What are they saying? Who are they “talking” to? How can we keep our kids safe from danger – both emotional and physical?

Did you know that 70 percent of teens on the Internet have accidentally found pornography on the web; 60 percent have been contacted online by a stranger; another 60 percent have been victims of online bullying; and 45 percent have posted personal information?

The Internet Generation tells of online experiences and stories your kids may not be telling you about this 24/7 cyber- world. You’ll hear insights on setting specific rules, keeping track of kids’ online visits, and talking with them – armed with hard facts and real-life examples – about the very real threats out there.

When it comes to Internet know-how, can parents ever catch up with their kids? Yes. Watch The Internet Generation and start the conversation with your children about what’s on the Internet – the good and the bad. The Internet is here to stay, and it’s our responsibility to keep kids safe, especially when they’re online.

 In today’s society, the Internet has made its way into almost every American home. It is a well-known fact that the web is a valuable asset for research and learning. Unfortunately, it can also be a very dangerous place for teens. With social networking sites like Myspace and Friendster, chat rooms, instant messaging, and online role-playing video games, our children are at access to almost anyone. Sue Scheff, along with Parent’s Universal Resource Experts™, is tackling the dangers of the web.Keeping tabs on our teens’ online habits doesn’t just keep them safe from online predators. More and more parents are becoming wary of the excessive hours their teens spend surfing the web, withdrawing from family, friends and activities they used to enjoy. Internet Addiction is a devastating problem facing far too many teens and their families. While medical professionals have done limited research on the topic, more and more are recognizing this destructive behavior and even more, the potential mental effects it can have.

Though the web is a great place for learning and can be safe for keeping in touch, it is important that families understand the potential risks and dangers to find a healthy balance between real and virtual life.

Learn more about Teen Internet Addiction.