Parents’ Universal Resource Experts

By Connect with Kids

We know them as latch key kids.  Most afternoons they come home alone and unlock the door to a world free from adult supervision.

Once inside, they often encounter boredom … and temptation.

Because both of his parents work, sixteen-year-old Jamal Inegbedion spends many afternoons home alone with his sister.  He says it’s hard to be good all the time, “99 Percent of the time we would follow the rules but you know, every time every now and then you want to just stray from the circle and do what you want instead of the rules.”

Whether young or old, kids alone are prime targets for trouble.

“When there’s no parent around or anyone involved in supervising them they have idle time,” explains Judge Greg Adams, “and what is the old adage idle time is the devil’s workshop.  And as a result of that, they get with other young people and they are experimenting with drugs.  That’s when a lot of it takes place right after school before the parents get home.”

So, how do parents decide when to leave kids alone?  How to keep them safe?  And how to keep them out of trouble?

Experts say leaving kids alone before age twelve is a big risk. 

After that, “Try very short periods of time and see how the child reacts and how fearful they are,” advises David Hellwig from Child Protective Services.   “A parent really knows their child best about their maturity level.  [And] Certainly, having emergency phone numbers being immediately available; whether there’s a supportive neighbor relative close by.”

Give them specific instructions, chores to keep them busy, rules to follow and make sure kids know there are consequences for bad behavior. 

Jamal’s mom says her kids know the rules … and what will happen if they don’t follow them.  “I would let them know that if they didn’t follow instruction I would punish them but most of all worse things could happen to them.”

Tips for Parents

Every day in America, nearly 8 million children go home to an empty house.  Experts say, the after school hours are the peak time for juvenile crime and risky behaviors.  The Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention reports that teens are at the highest risk of being a victim of violence between 2 p.m. and 6 p.m. and the peak hour for juvenile crime is from 3 p.m. and 4 p.m., just after school is dismissed.  Studies also show that students who don’t take part in after-school activities, such as sports or after-school programs are 49 percent more likely to have used drugs and 37 percent more likely to become teen parents.

The National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center defines after-school programs as safe, structured activities that convene regularly in the hours after school and offer activities to help children learn new skills and develop into responsible adults.  Activities may cover such topics as technology, reading, math, science and the arts.  And the programs may also offer new experiences for children, such as community service, internships or tutoring and mentoring opportunities.

As a parent, why should you consider an after-school program for your child?  Without structured, supervised activities in the after-school hours, youth are at greater risk of being victims of crime or participating in antisocial behaviors. 
 
If you are interested in enrolling your child in an after-school program, you have several different types from which to choose.  The Educational Resources Information Center says that a good after-school program should offer children the chance to have fun and feel comforted, as well as motivate them to learn.  The best programs offer a comprehensive set of activities that do the following for your child:

• Foster his or her self-worth and develop his or her self-care skills
• Develop his or her personal and interpersonal social skills and promote respect for cultural diversity.
• Provide help with homework, tutoring and other learning activities
• Provide time and space for quiet study
• Provide new, developmentally appropriate enrichment activities to add to his or her learning at school, help him or her develop thinking and problem-solving skills and spark curiosity and love of learning
• Provide recreational and physical activities to develop physical skills and constructively channel his or her energy pent up after a day sitting in a classroom
• Encourage participation in individual sports activities to help develop self-esteem by striving for a personal best, and participation in group sports to provide lessons about cooperation and conflict resolution
• Provide age-appropriate job readiness training
• Provide information about career and career-training options, preferably through firsthand experiences with community business leaders and tours of local businesses

Some programs may be excellent while others may be lacking in resources and staff, and therefore, less attractive to parents.  It is important when choosing an after-school program to ask questions, visit the facility and get to know the staff. 

References

• 21st Century Community Learning Centers
• Boys & Girls Clubs of America
• Educational Resources Information Center
• National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center
• Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention

By Connect with Kids

According to the Federal Drug Enforcement Administration, 7 million Americans abuse prescription drugs.  And many are just teens.

“Percosets, Valium, Xanax … pretty much anything I could get my hands on,” 17-year-old Mururi Wangu says.

In fact, the abuse of prescription drugs has risen 80 percent in the past 6 years.  Experts say, aside from marijuana, teens are abusing these drugs more than all other illicit drugs combined.

Experts say that one reason for such a dramatic jump in abuse numbers is the availability of prescription drugs. 

“This is the age of medication,” says Dr. Steven Jaffe, an adolescent psychologist.  “I think there’s tremendous amounts of all sorts of medicine out there that are readily available in the bathrooms, in the cabinets at home, as well as on the black market.”

Moreover, since the U.S. Food and Drug Administration approves prescription drugs, teens mistakenly believe that using these drugs – even if they don’t have a prescription – is safe.

“For a while, I thought prescription drugs aren’t as bad because why would the doctor prescribe them if they were dangerous,” 17-year-old Marie Bokemeyer says.

Experts say that’s why parents should start early with a strong, clear message that abusing any kind of drug is wrong.  They should also get to know their teens’ friends, limit unsupervised time, keep close track of medications in their homes and don’t assume it can’t happen to their teens.

“I have a thousand parents who say, ‘I didn’t know how much my child was in to.’  And it’s not just denial – teenagers are experts at hiding it,” Dr. Jaffe says.

Adds 17-year-old Kat Peterson:  “I didn’t care about the danger of it; that had no effect on me.  It was just the convenience of it.”

Tips for Parents

The abuse of prescription drugs has become a major health concern.  More teens than ever are turning to their medicine cabinets to get high.  Experts say one reason is accessibility.  The majority of teens who abuse prescription drugs say they get them for free from their friends or relatives.  Another reason these drugs have become so popular is, because the drugs are approved by the FDA, many teens consider them to be safe.  Consider these statistics:

• In 2005, 2.1 million teens abused prescription drugs.
• Three percent, or 840,000 teens ages 12-17, reported current abuse of prescription drugs in 2005, making this illegal drug category the second most abused next to marijuana (7%).
• For the first time, there are just as many new abusers (12 and older) of prescription drugs as there are for marijuana.
• One-third of all new abusers of prescription drugs in 2005 were 12-17-year-olds.
• Teens ages 12-17 have the second-highest annual rates of prescription drug abuse after young adults (18-25).
• Nearly one in five teens (19% or 4.5 million) report abusing prescription medications that were not prescribed to them.
• Teens admit to abusing prescription medicine for reasons other than getting high, including to     relieve pain or anxiety, to sleep better, to experiment, to help with concentration or to increase alertness.
• More than one-third of teens say they feel some pressure to abuse prescription drugs, and nine percent say using prescription drugs to get high is an important part of fitting in with their friends.
• Nearly three out of 10 teens (29% or 6.8 million) believe prescription pain relievers—even if not prescribed by a doctor—are not addictive.
• In 2004, more than 29 percent of teens in treatment were dependent on tranquilizers, sedatives, amphetamines and other stimulants.

As a parent, it is important to understand that teens may be involved with legal and illegal drugs in various ways.  The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) reports that many teens begin using drugs to satisfy their curiosity, to make themselves feel good, to reduce stress, to feel grown up or to “fit in.”  While it is difficult to know which teens will experiment and stop and which will develop serious problems, the National Institute of Drug Abuse says the following types of teens are at greatest risk of becoming addicted:

• Those who have a family history of substance abuse
• Those who are depressed
• Those who have low self-esteem
• Those who feel like they don’t “fit in” or are out of the mainstream

Because the U.S. Food and Drug Administration puts its seal of approval on prescription drugs, many teens mistakenly believe that using these drugs – even if they are not prescribed to them – is safe.  However, this practice can, in fact, lead to addiction and severe side effects.  The Center for Drug Evaluation and Research cites the following most commonly abused prescription drugs:

• Opioids:  Also known as narcotic analgesics, opioids are used to treat pain.  Examples of this type of drug include morphine, codeine, OxyContin (oxycodone), Vicodin (hydrocodone) and Demerol (meperidine).  In the short term, these drugs block pain messages and cause drowsiness.  A large, single dose can cause severe respiratory depression and death.  Long-term use leads to physical dependence and, in some cases, addiction.
• Central nervous system (CNS) depressants:  These drugs are commonly used to treat anxiety, panic attacks and sleep disorders.  Examples include Nembutal (pentobarbital sodium), Valium (diazepam) and Xanax (alprazolam).  CNS depressants slow down normal brain function and can cause a sleepy, uncoordinated feeling in the beginning of treatment.  Long-term use can lead to physical dependence and addiction.
• Stimulants:  These drugs are commonly used to treat the sleeping disorder narcolepsy and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder.  Examples include Ritalin (methylphenidate) and Dexedrine (dextroamphetamine).  Stimulants, which can be addictive, enhance brain activity and increase alertness and energy.  They elevate blood pressure, heart rate and respiration.  Very high doses can lead to irregular heartbeat and high body temperature

How can you determine if your teen is abusing drugs?  The AACAP suggests looking for the following warning signs and symptoms in your teen:

• Physical:  Fatigue, repeated health complaints, red and glazed eyes and a lasting cough
• Emotional:  Personality change, sudden mood changes, irritability, irresponsible behavior, low self-esteem, poor judgment, depression and a general lack of interest
• Familial:  Starting arguments, breaking rules or withdrawing from the family
• School-related:  Decreased interest, negative attitude, drop in grades, many absences, truancy and discipline problems
• Social:  having new friends who are less interested in standard home and school activities, problems with the law and changes to less conventional styles in dress and music

If you believe your teen has a problem with drug abuse, you can take several steps to get the help he or she needs.  The American Academy of Family Physicians suggests contacting your health-care provider so that he or she can perform an adequate medical evaluation in order to match the right treatment or intervention program with your teen.  You can also contact a support group in your community dedicated to helping families coping with addiction.  

Substance abuse can be an overwhelming issue with which to deal, but it doesn’t have to be.  The Partnership for a Drug-Free America offers the following strategies to put into practice so that your teen can reap the rewards of a healthy, drug-free life:

• Be your teen’s greatest fan.  Compliment him or her on all of his or her efforts, strength of character and individuality.
• Encourage your teen to get involved in adult-supervised after-school activities.  Ask him or her what types of activities he or she is interested in and contact the school principal or guidance counselor to find out what activities are available.  Sometimes it takes a bit of experimenting to find out which activities your teen is best suited for, but it’s worth the effort – feeling competent makes children much less likely to use drugs.
• Help your teen develop tools he can use to get out of drug-related situations.  Let him or her know he or she can use you as an excuse:  “My mom would kill me if I smoked marijuana!”
• Get to know your teen’s friends and their parents.  Set appointments for yourself to call them and check-in to make sure they share your views on alcohol, tobacco and other drugs.  Steer your teen away from any friends who use drugs.
• Call teens’ parents if their home is to be used for a party.  Make sure that the party will be drug-free and supervised by adults.
• Set curfews and enforce them.  Let your teen know the consequences of breaking curfew.
• Set a no-use rule for alcohol, tobacco and other drugs.
• Sit down for dinner with your teen at least once a week.  Use the time to talk – don’t eat in front of the television.
• Get – and stay – involved in your teen’s life.

References

• American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
• American Academy of Family Physicians
• Center for Drug Evaluation and Research
• Drug Abuse Warning Network
• National Institute on Drug Abuse
• Partnership for a Drug-Free America
• Substance Abuse & Mental Human Services Administration
• U.S. Food and Drug Administration

By Aurelia Williams

Teen smoking statistics are on the rise. It is very important that children are informed of the teen smoking statistics and the harmful effects of smoking.Having involved parents — those who know a lot about their children’s friends, activities and performance in school — can help children overcome peer influence to start teen smoking, according to a study by a researcher at the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD).

The study also confirmed earlier findings that the more widespread children think smoking is, the more likely they are to start. Moreover, children who are socially competent — who have the ability to exercise self-control and good judgment — and have parents who monitor their behavior tend not to start smoking. The study, which was published in the December 2002 issue of Prevention Science, surveyed students in four middle schools in a suburban Maryland school district.

Why Parental Involvement Is Key

While researchers have known that both peers and parents play an important role in whether young teens and preteens start smoking, they’ve known less about whether the effects of peer influence on starting smoking is affected by other factors, such as parents’ involvement and children’s adjustment to school and degree of social competence.

“Many children start to experiment with smoking in early adolescence,” said Duane Alexander, M.D., director of the NICHD. “Many then go on to develop a life-long addiction that can cause them serious health problems later in life. This study shows that by staying involved in their children’s lives, parents can help them to avoid the smoking habit.”

Bruce Simons-Morton, Ph.D., of NICHD’s Division of Epidemiology, Statistics and Prevention Research, surveyed 1,081 students in four middle schools at the beginning and again at the end of sixth grade. The students completed a questionnaire that measured a variety of factors, including their friends’ behavior and expectations; their own ability to resist dares, resolve conflicts and retain self-control; and how well they follow rules, complete school work on time and get along with classmates and teachers. The questionnaire also asked children about their parents’ involvement in their lives, their parents’ expectations for them and whether their parents check to see if the children have done what they’ve been asked to do.

The researchers found that teens with friends engaging in problem behavior — those who smoked, drank, cheated on tests, lied to parents, bullied others or damaged property — were more likely to smoke if their parents were relatively less involved than if their parents were relatively more involved. This finding pertained to all of the children studied — boys, girls, African-Americans, whites, children living with one parent and children with mothers who had not attended college. Parents’ expectations about smoking and whether an adult at home smokes did not significantly influence children’s decision to start smoking.

“Parents’ involvement may be particularly important during early adolescence,” said Dr. Simons-Morton. “It is a time when many young people first begin asserting their independence from their parents, but before peer influences reach their full strength. It’s also a time when young people are still sensitive to their parents’ values and concerns, and may be reluctant to try smoking, because they know their parents would disapprove.”

The study also confirmed two earlier findings. The researchers found that students who provided higher estimates of how many other youth smoke were more likely to smoke than those who provided lower estimates. This finding was true regardless of whether children had relatively more or relatively fewer friends who smoked. In addition, the researchers found that sixth graders who had the ability to exercise self-control and good judgment, and had parents who monitored their behavior, were less likely to start smoking. Dr. Simons-Morton noted that the study was not a nationally representative survey, but was limited to four middle schools in one suburban location. Also, some groups of children may not have been fully represented in the study, because their parents did not give permission for them to participate, or because they were absent from class on survey days.

From a December 2002 National Institutes of Child Health and Human Development news release. Providing teen smoking statistics and other health relate information

www.helpyourteens.com

www.witsendbook.com

By Hannah Boyd

In a society where waifs rule and magazines herald a different fad diet every week, some kids view eating disorders as a small price to pay for fitting in. They’re wrong. Anorexia kills more than 10% of its victims, and bulimia 1%. Eating disorders also lead to depression and place enormous stress on families. Concerned that your child may be at risk? Here’s what you need to know.

 “People with anorexia starve themselves to dangerously thin levels, at least 15% below their appropriate weight,” says Edward J. Cumella, Ph.D, CEDS, Executive Director of Remuda Programs for Eating Disorders in Wickenburg, Arizona. “People with bulimia binge uncontrollably on large amounts of food – sometimes thousands of calories at a time – and then purge the calories out of their bodies through vomiting, starving, excessive exercise, laxatives, or other methods. They are of normal weight or overweight.” Some anorexics also purge, but they are still underweight.

Not surprisingly, eating disorders disproportionately affect females. Only 10% of people with eating disorders are male. According to Cumella, the typical age of onset is between 14 and 18 – prime time for peer pressure, hazing, and low self-worth. Other red flags? Your child seems obsessed with weight and dieting, binges or follows a cycle of dieting and then overeating, heads to the bathroom after meals, is secretive about her eating or exercise habits, uses laxatives, or seems to feel depressed and out of control.

 If any of the above sounds familiar, don’t expect your child to admit the problem or appreciate your help. “Your child may feel extremely threatened by the thought of giving up the dysfunctional eating behavior,” warns Cumella. “Don’t believe your child’s claim that s/he does not need professional help.” Seek out a doctor specializing in eating disorders, and be ready to participate in family counseling if requested. “Be patient,” adds Cumella. “Treatment takes time; recovery may take months or years and involve relapses.”

The good news? When eating disorders are caught early, the prognosis is good, and while there’s no vaccine against them, there are steps you can take to protect your children. Model healthy, moderate eating for your children, and trust their hunger signals – don’t force them to eat “one more bite” or tell them to stop eating when they’re still hungry. Don’t critique people’s weight or talk about dieting. Be the reality check; point out that thin celebrities often lead sad lives, that most diets fail, and that people of all shapes and sizes tend to be healthiest and happiest when leading lives of balance and moderation. Most importantly, make it clear that you value your children for who they are, not for what they weigh.

Author: Patty Wipfler
Source: Hand in Hand

Special Time* is a simple idea that carries a lot of power! It’s a highly dependable way to build and to rebuild a close connection with a child.

The power of Special Time is that it puts the parent in the “back seat” of the parent/child relationship. The child does the steering. Until you do Special Time, it’s hard to detect habits of control and direction that you may have adopted in your interactions with your child. Special Time helps a parent pull away from those habits, and gives the child a chance to bask in the parent’s approval and demonstrate his own preferences and interests.

Children often ask for kinds of play or interaction that a parent wouldn’t usually choose, or wouldn’t think of. The child’s choices are a direct but nonverbal communication about what he likes, his issues, or possibly the places he has become stuck in a rut of fascination or worry. But in any case, Special Time makes it safe for a child to “show himself” in ways that he might not usually dare to, because the parent has agreed to pay attention, to support the child’s ideas, and has sworn not to allow anything to interrupt. The sense of closeness and caring that children derive from Special Time builds their confidence in their ability to think, to love, and to learn.

Used wisely, Special Time can be a powerful tool for creating and repairing connection between parent and teen, too. Here are a few things to remember when setting out to try Special Time with your teenager.

• Teens need their parents to reach out for a genuine connection. Think for a minute about why you want to be close to your teenager. Think about what you used to love to do with him or her, and what has been fun recently. Think about his or her longings and the things your teen is interested in. Offer to spend one-on-one time, not because you “should,” or because a problem needs to be solved, but because you want your life and his life to be good, and good together.

• It’s helpful to set the guidelines, so your teen’s hopes aren’t raised, then dashed unnecessarily. How much time can you really spend? How much money can you spend? Do you have transportation? How far can you go? Will you buy things you don’t usually allow, i.e., candy, soda, body piercings, or not?

• Don’t bring up sore subjects. This is a time to put your attention on the good things about your teen, not on your irritations or worries. If you must bring up difficult topics, make an appointment for that, totally separate from Special Time. Let this time be led by your teen, not your worries or upsets.

• If your offer of time together is rejected, don’t give up! There are at least two things you can do to move things forward.
  1. The first and most important one is to set up a good amount of time for a Listening Partnership, so you can talk fully about yourself and your teenager. What’s great in your relationship with him, and what’s difficult? What was life like for you at that age? What was your relationship like when he was an infant? A toddler? It’s surprisingly helpful for parents to have 45 minutes or an hour to consider the big picture of their relationship without advice or interruption. Talking about one’s own experiences, and noticing the feelings that make it hard to show respect, affection, or encouragement toward your teen will help to move the relationship between you forward.
  2. The second thing a parent can do is to initiate time together without announcing it, and without drawing attention to it. This might mean taking a magazine into your teenager’s room and plopping down on the bed while he’s doing homework, moving close to really listen to the words of the songs on your daughter’s favorite CD, or being awake and ready with a snack when your teen comes home late at night. Prepare yourself to pay attention to your teen, but in a low-key way. You’re “leaning toward him,” not rushing in to ask questions or try to be his best friend. Look for opportunities to offer approval. Discipline yourself not to ask probing questions. Just hang out.

     You’re “trolling” for an opportunity to engage. Your teen might not take immediate advantage of your unspoken availability. He may look like he doesn’t notice. That’s fine. You’re learning to let him be in the driver’s seat during these unannounced Special Times. You are making a commitment in your mind and heart to offer your attention, and to trust him to take the offer eventually. Every time you hang around, content to be in your teen’s presence, you’re making it safer for your teen to eventually talk with you about important things. The path won’t be short or certain, but carving out times when you decide not to be busy, and you set out no demands or expectations, will take you in a good direction.

Special Time, tailored by you for your own circumstances with your teenager, can make a big difference at times of trouble. Having one-on-one time during which you offer approval, interest, and no reference to difficulties can help break the isolation that glues a rough spot affecting a teen and his parents in place.

Read the entire article here: http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_How_Special_Time/