Parents’ Universal Resource Experts

By Connect with Kids

Regret can be a great teacher and, according to a new survey of high school students, that’s especially true when it comes to teenagers and sex.

Trey was 14 when he first had sex. 

“Just the pressure — upper classmen — they were just ragging me on to do it, and I just fell into that trap. I fell into that peer pressure,” says Trey, 17.

Afterwards, Trey says he regretted it.

“Just the feeling, the emotions that were going through my mind…and my thoughts were, ‘What am I doing? I feel like I’m soliciting myself, I don’t know even know this girl’s name by heart,’” recalls Trey.

In a survey of high school students by researchers at the University of California, San Francisco, sexually-experienced teens were twice as likely to value abstinence as teens who were virgins. It seems that it is after having sex that some kids learn the value of being abstinent.

“It’s unfortunate that they had to learn it the hard way, but one of the things that they’re realizing is that there is an alternative way: there’s a way for me to court [someone], or to get a guy that I like to court me and respect me and for me not to have sex,” says Alduan Tartt, psychologist.

Experts say another way kids can learn about the risks and complications of sex are from their parents — not from “atalk” but with a conversation.

“If you don’t feel that they should be having sex at this age, tell them that. Explain your values. Listen to them as well, give them a chance to express their opinions as well, and you can have a discussion about it.  It’s very important that adolescents have a chance to express their own opinions and to hear your reactions to those opinions,” says Dr. Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician.

Trey says he’s choosing abstinence now and it feels right.

“You don’t have anything to worry about. You don’t have to worry about if you have an STD. You’re just focused on your goals,” says Trey.

Tips for Parents

• Abstinence is defined as not having sex. A person who decides to practice abstinence has decided not to have sex. (Nemours Foundation)
• Abstinence is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy. Although many birth control methods can have high rates of success if used properly, they can fail occasionally. Practicing abstinence ensures that a girl will not become pregnant because there is no opportunity for sperm to fertilize an egg. (Nemours Foundation)
• Only complete and consistent abstinence can totally protect against STDs. Because a person does not have any type of intimate sexual contact when he or she practices complete abstinence, there is no risk of passing on a sexually transmitted infection. (Nemours Foundation)
• Don’t let teasing or pressure from friends, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, or even the media push you into something that’s not right for you. Research shows that the majority of teens are not having sex. (www.connectwithkids.com/everybodysnotdoingit)
• A couple can still have a relationship without having sex. If you’ve made a decision not to have sex, it’s an important personal choice and the people who care about you should respect that. (Nemours Foundation)
• You may have questions about making this choice or about other methods of birth control. Your doctor or nurse — or an adult you trust, such as a parent, teacher or counselor — can help provide accurate answers. (Nemours Foundation)

References

• Nemours Foundation
• Children and Youth Coordinating Council (CYCC) www.connectwithkids.com/everybodysnotdoingit

Sex Education and Prevention

Talking with your children about sex is difficult, and it can be an easy thing to put off. Educating your child is important! If you aren’t, you are allowing their knowledge to come from outside sources like the media and their friends - what is scarier!

The biggest key to preventing teenage pregnancy is education. The more your child knows about sex and the realistic effects it has, the more likely they are to make good decisions. Assuming that if sex is not discussed in your home your child will abstain is dangerously false.

Be open about sexuality. After all, it is a natural part of being human. Be approachable! Let your children know that they can ask you any questions they have about sex, including intimacy in their relationships. Regular conversations that are in good humor for both parties will keep the lines of communication open.

While you work to educate your children about sex, it is also a good idea to establish rules as far as curfews and behavior go. The two work hand in hand.

Most importantly, work with your children to find activities and goals that will keep them busy! Teenagers who become pregnant often lack activity that leaves them feeling gratified - and they turn to sex. Discuss their goals and dreams. Encourage them to have activities outside the house in positive environments. Maintain the idea that education is the most important part of being a teenager!

For more information on Teen Pregnancy

By Sue Scheff, Parents Universal Resource Experts

First Comes Love

Will you be ready when your son has his first girlfriend? When your daughter has her first boyfriend? Will you be able to help them with the peer pressure to have sex? Will you be ready to address the warning signs of dating violence?These are difficult topics for parents and kids to talk about together… First Comes Love helps you start the conversation. The program features real kids sharing their true dating stories – and suddenly the pressure is off of your children as you talk about the kids in the program. That, says experts, opens the door for communication and learning. The program also features advice from health experts and child specialists about the best way to protect children from the “dark side of teenage love.”

Teen pregnancy in the United States is a serious concern. The US has the highest rates of teen pregnancy and births of any industrialized country.

1/3 of all US teenage girls will become pregnant. This equals to roughly 750,000 each year! Unmarried teenage mothers rarely finish high school; in fact, 2/3 do not.

Children born to teenage mothers are more likely to suffer from low birth weight and other medical problems. They are also more likely to develop learning disabilities and mental disorders as they reach their teenage years.

The facts are real. Our sons and daughters live in a generation plagued by these statistics, and it is up to us as parents make a change.

Find out more about Teen Pregnancy.

Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?

Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

“I knew a little bit about it just from health class, things like that, but nobody in my family had ever really talked to me about it.”

– Amber Schalk, 19

For the first time in 14 years, the number of babies born to teenage parents in the U.S. is up, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). What’s behind the increase?

Amber says she had to learn about sex on her own.

“I knew a little bit about it just from health class, things like that. But nobody in my family had ever really talked to me about it,” says Amber Schalk, 19.

Now, Amber is a 19-year-old mother of two.

“What book do you want to read?” Schalk asks her daughter.

“I wasn’t using any protection, because I guess I just thought I wouldn’t get pregnant. I don’t know why, but I did — eventually it happened,” says Schalk.

According to the CDC, after a steady decline for more than a decade, the teen birth rate rose 3 percent from 2005 to 2006. Some experts fear that what parents and schools teach kids about sex is superficial or incomplete.

“We’re still grappling with the whole idea that somehow if you have knowledge that you’re going to act on it.  That is totally wrong.  Actually, the more knowledge you have, the less likely you are to engage in sex,” says Gail Wyatt, PhD, clinical psychologist.

She says teens are powerfully curious about sex. That’s why parents need to be open and honest.

“You don’t want to walk away and say, ‘that’s not a good question, I’m not going to talk to you,’ or, ‘you shouldn’t even be thinking about that.’ To shut a conversation down is probably about the worst thing that a parent can do, and to make the teen feel guilty for having asked the question,” says Wyatt.

“Kids wind up getting these answers, but they’re not going to get them from you. They learn to ask their friends,” says Dr. Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician.

Schalk says she loves her kids and yet, there is some regret.

“I wish somebody just would have talked to me. Sat down and talked to me about sex and things that were going to happen during my teenage years, but nobody did,” says Schalk.

Tips for Parents

• If kids are left to their own devices, they may simply act on their hormones. If they understand their bodies and their hormones, chances are they won’t choose to be sexually active. (Gail Elizabeth Wyatt, Ph.D., clinical psychologist)
• Just as we teach our children how to brush their teeth and take care of themselves, parents and educators need to teach children about reproductive health care. It’s a vital part of who we are as healthy human beings. (Michele Ozumba, Georgia Campaign for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention)
• It can be difficult for parents to talk to their teens about sex. One good way to start the conversation is to use teaching moments from television programs, news reports, DVDs, etc.
• “One suggested way to open the conversation is to say, ‘Even though I don’t want you to be having sex now, I know that [some] kids do have sex in high school, and whether or not you’re going to, you’re going to have friends who have sex, or classmates, and I think we should talk about this.’” (Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician, researcher, author)
• When your teens ask about sex, one of the worst things that a parent can do is to shut down a conversation, and make the teen feel guilty for having asked the question. Listen, try not to be judgmental, and provide age-appropriate information. (Gail Elizabeth Wyatt, Ph.D., clinical psychologist)
• “Your child may be sitting at the dinner table pretending not to listen, but they’re absorbing every word. They’re very eager to hear what you have to say about this. Actually, when kids are asked who they want to learn about sex from, it’s their parents.” (Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician, researcher, author)
• “Don’t just talk about sex, talk about love.  Share with your kids what’s wonderful about love. Share how sex can fit into a loving, caring relationship.  Kids should get all of that from their parents.  They shouldn’t just get the part about how body parts fit together; they should get the whole emotional package from their parents.” (Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician, researcher, author)
• Talking about sex shouldn’t just be a lecture. Listen to what your teen is saying and thinking. They are exposed to much more sexually explicit material than previous generations, and need to separate the truth from the fiction. (Michele Ozumba, Georgia Campaign for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention)

References

• Columbia University
• Georgia Campaign for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention
• Guttmacher Institute

Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?

Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

“It takes more than one conversation or one brochure. It takes a network of repeated messages — from parents, from peer groups — to encourage a sense that you as the individual are worth protecting.”

– Leola Reis, Planned Parenthood

<!–a href=”#” mce_href=”#” target=”_blank”></a–>According to the latest estimates from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), in this New Year, 19 million people will become infected with a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Almost half of them will be teenagers, and the rate of infection is going up.

However, when you talk to teenagers, it seems as if most of them know how to avoid contracting an STD.

“By using protection during sex, and abstaining from sex, and mostly getting to know the person you are going to have sex with,” says Andy, 18.

“Stay a virgin,” says Ashley, 14.

“They get [an STD] because they’re careless. They don’t like to use condoms because they like the way it feels without one. That’s stupid,” says Marcus, 17.

According to the CDC, the rates of STDs are climbing. Both Gonorrhea and Chlamydia are up more than 5 percent since 2005. After 15 years of decline, Syphilis is up 14 percent, and 25 percent of teenage girls have Human Papillomavirus (HPV), according to the American Medical Association. Still, some teens remain complacent.

“What [teenagers] know as a statistic is not necessarily what changes their lifestyle or their behaviors,” says Wanda Wong, RN, public health nurse (PHN), county health services coordinator.

“They won’t stop having sex. If anything, they’ll hide whatever they have,” says Clinton, 20.

That’s why, experts say, parents need to repeat the message that STDs are serious. Some are incurable; some can result in cancer, infertility, even death. And all of them are preventable.

“It takes more than one conversation or one brochure. It takes a network of repeated messages — from parents, from peer groups — to encourage a sense that you as the individual are worth protecting,” says Leola Reis, Planned Parenthood.

“You don’t know where that person has been, what kind of people they’ve slept with. Better to be safe than sorry,” says Denelle, 20.

Tips for Parents

• It’s never too late to talk to your child about STDs. But the best time to start having these discussions is during the preteen or middle school years. (Nemours Foundation)
• Questions are a good starting point for a discussion. When kids are curious, they’re more open to hearing what their parents have to say. Another way to initiate a discussion is to use a media cue, such as a TV program or an article in the paper, and ask your child what he or she thinks about it. (Nemours Foundation)
• Be informed. STDs can be a frightening and confusing subject, so it may help if you learn about STD transmission and prevention. You don’t want to add any misinformation, and being familiar with the topic will make you feel more comfortable. (Nemours Foundation)
• Ask your child what he or she already knows about STDs and what else your child would like to learn. Remember, though: Your child may already know a lot more than you realize, although much of that information could be incorrect. Parents need to provide accurate information so their kids can make the right decisions and protect themselves. (Nemours Foundation)
• Explain that the only sure way to remain STD-free is to nothave sex or intimate contact with anyone outside of a committed, monogamous relationship, such as marriage. However, anyone who is having sex should always use a latex condom, preferably with a spermicidal foam, cream or jelly that contains nonoxynol-9. (Nemours Foundation)

References

• Nemours Foundation

Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?

Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.