Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Political Teens

By Connect with Kids

“When parents talk about politics with their kids, when they participate themselves — this leads to a higher level of interest in politics among their children,”

– Dr. Alan Abramowitz, Political Science Professor, Emory University

Nineteen-year-old Will Kelly is pounding the pavement, knocking on doors and talking to voters.

Seventeen-year-old Amelia Hartley is answering phones, making copies and filing news clips.

She is a die-hard Democrat, and he is a faithful Republican. Both teenagers have a passion for politics and for getting involved.

“To be honest,” Will says of his volunteer work, “because I care about what’s going on and it troubles me to see how so many people become apathetic with what they do have in this country – that we take so much for granted.”

“At 17, I can’t vote yet, I don’t pay taxes, but within a year I’m going to have to know enough about leaders – not only national, but local and state – to be able to say who I want running things,” says Amelia of her involvement.

According to the Center for Information and Research on Civic Learning and Engagement, young voters are turning up in record numbers this presidential election.

One reason, experts say, their parents.

“There has been quite a bit of research that shows that when parents talk about politics with their kids, when they participate themselves, when they take their kids to vote with them, that all this leads to a higher level of interest in politics among the children,” says Dr. Alan Abramowitz, a political science professor at Emory University.

It is a level of interest, Dr. Abramowitz adds, that persists over time. “Even many years later, those who were raised in families that were politically active and where the parents talked about politics remain more active themselves.”

Amelia and Will say they’ve been invigorated by the hard work of politics. And, in fact, it’s sparked an interest.

“Is there a future in politics for me?” Will ponders. “Well that’s a question I seem to ask myself a lot. We’ll have to see.”

“There are a lot of career paths I’m considering,” says Amelia, “and politics is definitely one of them.”

Tips for Parents

The polls are showing teens are lining up in record numbers to have their say in this year’s election.  Consider these statistics from a recent poll by Time Magazine, among 18-29 year olds:

  • 70% said they are paying attention to the race
  • 53% said Barack Obama was the candidate best described as ‘inspirational’
  • 83% said this election will have a great impact on the country
  • A majority (54%) say the US was wrong to go to war in Iraq
  • 80% of young people rate the economic conditions in this country as only fair or poor
  • Nearly three-quarters of the respondents said they feel the country is headed down the wrong track
  • Affordable health care (62%), the Iraq War (59%), and being able to find a stable, good paying job (58%) are the top issues a majority of young people worry about the most.

More than 6.5 million young people under the age of 30 participated in the 2008 primaries and caucuses.  In fact, Obama’s margin of victory in Iowa came almost entirely from voters under 25 years old.  In New Hampshire, his edge among young voters was 3 to 1; in Nevada, it was 2 to 1; and in Michigan, nearly 50,000 under-30s voted “Uncommitted” because Clinton’s name was the only one on the ballot.

The Center for Information and Research on Civic Learning and Engagement, getting kids involved in a civics or government class is a great way to get them more interested in the elections.  From the 2006 Civic and Political Health of the Nation Report, young people who report that they recently choose to take a civics or government class are more likely than other young people to say that:

  • they helped solve a community problem,
  • they can make a difference in their community,
  • they have volunteered recently,
  • they trust other people and the government,
  • they have made consumer decisions for ethical or political reasons,
  • they believe in the importance of voting, and
  • they are registered to vote.

Parents are also one of the greatest influences on young voters. 

  • Start with the basics.  Make sure your 18-year-old knows when and where to vote.
  • Getting your 18-year-old to the polls could pay big dividends.  People who have been motivated to vote once are more likely to become repeat voters. 
  • Acquire and fill out voter registration forms with your teen. If your teen meets age requirements, you should each fill out a voter registration form.
  • If your teen meets age requirements on Election Day, go to your polling place together to cast your ballots.
  • If your teen doesn’t meet age requirements for the 2008 election, but will turn 18 before the 2012 election, involve them in the current election as preparation for the next election.
  • Consider taking teens between 14 and 17 to the polling place with you.  Even if they are not permitted inside for security reasons, the visit will demystify the voting process.
  • Remind your child that the November election is the result of many local primaries and that Americans are able to vote for their national, state and local leaders.
  • Kids who are not old enough to vote can still have an impact on elections.  Encourage kids to get involved in the political process.  They can go door-to-door in support of candidates or help with fundraising efforts.
  • It can seem daunting to research candidates, because information on the different races is not centralized in one place.  Parents can share news articles with their kids.  The key is to engage students with issues they will find relevant to their lives. 

References

  • Time Magazine
  • The Center for Information and Research on Civic Learning and Engagement

Add comment June 26, 2008

Safe Eyes - Keeping Your Kids Safe in Cyberspace

10 Tips For Keeping Your Kids Safe On Social Networks

 

ATLANTA, GA — May 28, 2008 — June is Internet Safety month.  With hundred of millions of teens, pre-teens—and adults—around the world using social networking sites, there’s no better time for parents to be aware of the fun, the benefits, the powerful attractions, and the potential risks that MySpace, Facebook and other similar sites offer their children.

 

InternetSafety.com, the recognized leader in Internet safety solutions, has assembled a list of practical tips parents can use to ensure a safe networking environment for kids:

 

  • Show Interest — Ask questions about how your child’s preferred social networking site or sites work.  Kids are generally happy to demonstrate their knowledge if you show genuine interest.  You can even ask your teen to show you how to set up your own social networking site—a great way to visit your child’s page and see what’s been posted there.
  • Encourage Instinctive Responses — Kids often can instinctively do the right thing, which makes them their own first defense against those who may take advantage online.  Encourage your children to avoid contact with people they “feel funny about.”  Tell them to not reveal anything online they would not want a stranger to know.  Limit the posting of pictures and remind them that once something is placed online, it can never be taken back.
  • Know Your Kids’ Passwords — If your child changes his or her password suddenly and refuses to share it with you, that’s trouble.  Insist on knowing how to access his or her accounts—then keep their confidence by not sharing the information with their friends or siblings.
  • Set Hours for When Kids Can Access Social Networks — Late nights are the favorite time for predators to seek out their adolescent prey.  Set firm limits not only for the time of day, but also the total amount of time, that your children may access social networking sites.
  • Be Aware of Alternate Access Points — Kids don’t have to access their social networks at home.  Libraries, friends’ houses, even cell phones make the Internet easy to reach today.  Keep up with what’s happening on your child’s social networking page and be aware when changes have been made despite the lack of access from home.
  • Exercise Your Parental Right to Supervise — There’s a difference between being snoopy and ensuring safe activity.  You don’t have to read every last word of a personal message your son or daughter sends to a friend.  But you do have the right—and the obligation—to see who your kids are talking to, and to know the general subject matter. 
  • Check for Photos — By clicking on the Windows “Start” button, you’ll find the “Search” tool.  Click on “Pictures, Music or Video,” the box next to “Pictures and Photos,” and finally “Search”.  Ask your child to identify any photos of strangers, or any other pictures you find questionable.
  • Install Filtering Software — PC products like Safe Eyes allow parents to block or record Instant Messenger chats, limit email use to prescribed addresses, block objectionable Web sites (including peer-to-peer file sharing programs that often expose kids to inappropriate material), and receive alerts when kids post personal information on social networking sites.
  • Watch for CyberBullying — Encourage your children to tell you immediately if they are being harassed online.  Children also need to know that it is not acceptable to be a party to cyberbullying—or to remain silent when they know others are being harassed.  Visit StopCyberBullying.org or StopBullyingNow.hrsa.gov for excellent tips and information.
  • Don’t Lecture — Finally, if you should find reasons for concern, don’t browbeat, insult or condescend to your child.  Have a discussion about values and why they are important.  Respect your child but be firm.  And most of all, lead by example.  Parents have a powerful ability to influence their child’s behavior—and nothing is more powerful than someone who not only talks values, but lives them.

“Parents should never feel that their level of involvement in their child’s social network activity is excessive.  Since 1998, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children’s CyberTipline has logged over 33,000 tips about children being enticed online for sexual acts,” said Shane Kenny, President and COO of InternetSafety.com.  “Better that the parent error on the side of intrusion, rather than bear the consequences of doing nothing.”

 

 

About InternetSafety.com

Established in 1999, InternetSafety.com specializes in providing Internet safety solutions.  Its flagship software, Safe Eyes, is the two-time recipient of the PC Magazine Editors’ Choice Award and was rated as the #1 parental control solution by America’s leading consumer advocacy publication.  The company’s Safe Eyes and EtherShield products are providing online protection for PCs and Macs in homes, businesses and schools across more than 125 countries. 

 

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Add comment June 25, 2008

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Eating Disorders, What You Need To Know

By Hannah Boyd

In a society where waifs rule and magazines herald a different fad diet every week, some kids view eating disorders as a small price to pay for fitting in. They’re wrong. Anorexia kills more than 10% of its victims, and bulimia 1%. Eating disorders also lead to depression and place enormous stress on families. Concerned that your child may be at risk? Here’s what you need to know.

 “People with anorexia starve themselves to dangerously thin levels, at least 15% below their appropriate weight,” says Edward J. Cumella, Ph.D, CEDS, Executive Director of Remuda Programs for Eating Disorders in Wickenburg, Arizona. “People with bulimia binge uncontrollably on large amounts of food – sometimes thousands of calories at a time – and then purge the calories out of their bodies through vomiting, starving, excessive exercise, laxatives, or other methods. They are of normal weight or overweight.” Some anorexics also purge, but they are still underweight.

Not surprisingly, eating disorders disproportionately affect females. Only 10% of people with eating disorders are male. According to Cumella, the typical age of onset is between 14 and 18 – prime time for peer pressure, hazing, and low self-worth. Other red flags? Your child seems obsessed with weight and dieting, binges or follows a cycle of dieting and then overeating, heads to the bathroom after meals, is secretive about her eating or exercise habits, uses laxatives, or seems to feel depressed and out of control.

 If any of the above sounds familiar, don’t expect your child to admit the problem or appreciate your help. “Your child may feel extremely threatened by the thought of giving up the dysfunctional eating behavior,” warns Cumella. “Don’t believe your child’s claim that s/he does not need professional help.” Seek out a doctor specializing in eating disorders, and be ready to participate in family counseling if requested. “Be patient,” adds Cumella. “Treatment takes time; recovery may take months or years and involve relapses.”

The good news? When eating disorders are caught early, the prognosis is good, and while there’s no vaccine against them, there are steps you can take to protect your children. Model healthy, moderate eating for your children, and trust their hunger signals – don’t force them to eat “one more bite” or tell them to stop eating when they’re still hungry. Don’t critique people’s weight or talk about dieting. Be the reality check; point out that thin celebrities often lead sad lives, that most diets fail, and that people of all shapes and sizes tend to be healthiest and happiest when leading lives of balance and moderation. Most importantly, make it clear that you value your children for who they are, not for what they weigh.

 

Add comment June 23, 2008

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Summer Sun Safety

Raising my kids in Florida, we quickly learn about keeping our kids protected from the dangers of the sun. There is nothing like a great day at the beach, but be sure to use sun screens.

Summer Sun Safety by Anna Weinstein

Skin cancer is a growing concern among parents these days. According to the Skin Cancer Foundation, there are more than one million skin cancers diagnosed each year. Most parents have heard the statistics: 65% of melanoma cancers can be attributed to ultraviolet (UV) radiation from the sun, and 90% of nonmelanoma cases can be attributed to UV rays.

Thirty and forty years ago, parents were less informed about the damaging effects of UV rays. Today, however, the message is clear: overexposure can cause skin cancer.

So, how do parents balance sun safety and their children’s insatiable energy for playing outdoors? Charlotte Hendricks, president of Healthy Childcare Consultants and a board member of the Sun Safety Alliance, says there are a lot of actions parents can take to protect their children from the sun. “Children need to be active outdoors,” she says. “And they need to be protected.”

Suntan lotion, hats, sunglasses, protective clothing, and water for hydration are all necessary to keep children protected while playing outdoors. But most parents second guess their understanding of the rules.

What number sunscreen? What brand? How often do you reapply it?

Jeff Ashley, M.D., is a clinical professor of dermatology at the University of Southern California. He also is the President and Founder of Sun Safety for Kids, a nonprofit organization dedicated to reducing the incidence of skin cancer through teaching and promoting sun protection to children. Ashley provides answers to some common questions about sun protection:

As a general rule, how much time each day should children be allowed to play outdoors during the summer months?

Ashley: There’s really no time limit so long as children are adequately protected from the elements, including the sun’s UV radiation. Because sunscreen wears off, it is commonly recommended that it be reapplied at least every two hours during continuous outdoor exposure.

Should parents avoid sending their kids outside over the noon hour?

UV rays are strongest at solar noon, usually close to 1 p.m. during daylight savings time-so, that’s when sun protection is most important. When there’s a choice, it’s safer to be outdoors before 10 a.m. or after 4 p.m., but that’s not always practical or possible. The best defense against overexposure during midday is to cover as much area of skin as possible with lightweight, loose-fitting clothing, wear a broad brimmed hat, wear UV-blocking sunglasses, and apply sunscreen to any non-covered areas of skin.

What number sunscreen should children wear? Does it differ for children of different ages?

All people, including children, should use a sunscreen with an SPF of at least 15, preferably 30 or higher. SPF relates to the product’s ability to block UVA rays. One reason for going higher is because most people don’t put on enough to achieve the SPF, or because it comes off due to time elapsed, rubbing, sweating, swimming, and so forth. Within the next couple of years, the FDA will require sunscreen manufacturers to also label their products according to their ability to block UVB rays. At this time, consumers should at least check that the product claims to block UVA.

Are generic brands just as good as name brands?

All sunscreen products, brand name or generic, are supposed to have been tested to ensure that they provide the SPF that is claimed on the product label.

What are some of the benefits of sunshine and outdoor play?

The only known benefit of sunshine on the human body is its ability to cause the skin to produce vitamin D. In prior ages, this was the most important source of vitamin D. However, today there’s a safer and more reliable way to achieve adequate vitamin D levels by taking a vitamin supplement. These are now readily available and inexpensive. The healthiest lifestyle, in my opinion, consists of practicing careful sun protection and taking a vitamin D supplement to compensate for the lack of sun exposure. Many experts recommend approximately 1,000 I.U. per day for otherwise healthy adults who protect their skin from the sun. The amount for children depends on their age, so it would be best for parents to ask their pediatrician. Physical exercise, whether indoors or outdoors, remains beneficial and highly desirable, but the objective is to protect against overexposure to the sun while enjoying
outdoor activities.

For more information on summer sun safety, visit www.sunsafetyforkids.org .

Add comment June 22, 2008

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Military Schools

Does your child have a desire for Military School? Is your child an underachiever or lack motivation? Does your child lack respect for Authority? Does your child make bad choices? Does your child lack self-confidence and self-respect?

Military Schools and Academies offer a student the opportunity to reach their highest academic potential as well as build up their self-esteem to make better choices in today’s society. We encourage parents to let their children know that Military Schools are a privilege and honor to attend and not for troubled children. Military Schools are not for punishment; they are a time for growth.

With many students the structure and positive discipline that Military Schools offer are very beneficial. It not only encourages them to become the best they can be, it enhances them to grow into mature respectable young men and women.Many students do not realize they would enjoy Military Schools until they actually visit the campus and understand the honor it is. Military Schools will give your child the vision to reach their goals and dreams for their future. The high level of academics combined with small class sizes creates a strong educational background.

Many ADD/ADHD students do very well in a Military School and Military Academy due to the structure and positive discipline. If your child is ADD or ADHD you may want to consider this type of environment. Many parents start with a summer program to determine if their child is a candidate for Military School.

Military Schools and Academies tuitions vary. Most start at $20,000.00 per school year. There is financing available through lenders and some scholarships. For more first hand information on Military Schools; please contact us directly at 954-349-7260.

Visit www.helpyourteens.com for more information.

Add comment June 21, 2008

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Teen Pregnancy on the Rise

Many people have seen the recent news stories on the 17 girls in MA that made a pact to get pregnant and succeeded.  The Boston Globe  article details this distressing situation.

The National Campaign seeks to improve the well-being of children, youth, families, and the nation by preventing unplanned and teen pregnancy. Take a moment to visit this website of educational resources.

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For parents, a teenage daughter becoming pregnant is a nightmare situation.

 

Every year, approx. 750,000 teenage girls become pregnant in the United States. That is roughly 1/3 of the age group’s population, a startling fact! Worse, more than 2/3 of teens who become mothers will not graduate from high school.

If you are a parent who has recently discovered that your teenage daughter is pregnant or may be pregnant, we understand your fear and pain. This is a difficult and serious time in both yours and your daughters’ life.

Our organization, Parent’s Universal Resource Experts  (P.U.R.E.™) works closely with parents and teenagers in many troubling situations, such as unplanned pregnancy. We understand how you feel!

No matter what happens, you and your daughter must work together to make the best choice for her and her unborn child. Your support and guidance is imperative as a mother. You CAN make it through as a family!

We have created this website as a reference for parents dealing with teenage pregnancy in hope that we can help you through the situation and make the best decisions.

 

Add comment June 20, 2008

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Importance of Friends

By Connect with Kids

“There’s some research to indicate that one of the best indicators of how well adjusted we will be as adults is not based on IQ or grades in school, but the degree to which the child has good friendships.”

– Nick Long, Ph.D., Adolescent Psychologist

Parents worry about how much kids learn and how fast, but a child’s biggest worry is most likely something else: friends.

“Cause if anything is going on in school I always know that I can talk to Molly and she’ll understand,” says Meredith Albin.

The kids have got it right- learning the language of friendship is one of the most important lessons of childhood.

“There’s some research to indicate that one of the best indicators of how well adjusted we will be as adults is not based on IQ or grades in school, but the degree to which the child has good friendships,” says Dr. Nick Long, adolescent psychologist.

It’s not popularity, but learning to make friends that counts.

“I think that most people in this school want to have friends but they don’t know how to do it right,” says 11-year-old Johnathon.

By school age, a child needs at least one close friend, experts say.

“And if that child doesn’t have one close friend, it’s important for parents to try to set up situations for them to meet other children who might have similar interests to try to develop those relationships,” advises Long.

Psychologist Dr. Garry McGiboney adds, “It may take a while, but most of the time kids will enjoy that interaction with other kids.”

Kids without friends are at risk for lots of problems ranging from poor grades to depression, bullying, and drug abuse.

Experts say don’t underestimate the harm of isolation.

Fourteen-year-old Erica can tell you why: “Sometimes when you feel isolated and you feel like you should just be off this world. Just die.”

Tips for Parents

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry says when teenagers begin to feel isolated and stressed out, it can lead to anxiety, withdrawal, aggression, physical illness and drug or alcohol abuse. 

Why is a feeling of isolation so potentially dangerous?  The AACAP says when we perceive a situation as difficult or painful, changes occur in our minds and bodies to prepare us to respond to danger.  This response – what the AACAP calls the “fight, flight or freeze” response – includes a faster heart and breathing rate, cold or clammy hands and feet, an upset stomach and/or a sense of dread.

The AACAP says parents can do the following things to help their teens remain healthy:

  • Monitor whether or not stress is affecting their health, behavior, thoughts or feelings.
  • Listen carefully to teens, and watch for “overloading.”
  • Learn and model stress-management skills.
  • Support involvement in sports and pro-social activities.

If teens show signs of being overly stressed, it may be best to see a child and adolescent psychiatrist or qualified mental health professional.  The following are signs that professional help may be needed:

  • Disorientation and memory gaps
  • Severe depression and withdrawal
  • Substance abuse
  • Inability to take care of basic needs (eating, drinking, bathing)
  • Hallucinations
  • Fear of harming self or others
  • Inability to make simple decisions
  • Excessive preoccupation with one thought

The Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence (CSPV) says that, despite the tragedy at Columbine and other recent events, schools shootings are still relatively rare.  The center points out that school-related deaths since 1992 represent only about 1% of all youth killed with guns during that time period.  The National School Safety Center says the odds of a child dying at school remain one in 2 million.
 
In addition, a study by researchers at the University of Maryland found schools that rely on “secure building” measures, such as cameras and metal detectors, show higher rates of reported victimization than schools that create an atmosphere of nonviolence.  They found that clearly defined rules and consequences can be more effective in creating an atmosphere of safety than metal detectors and cameras.  Students in schools where rules are emphasized and the consequences of breaking the rules are known to all reported less victimization and disorder.  
 
The CSPV recommends that schools include these steps in their safe school plan:
 

  • Create a climate of ownership and school pride.
  • Enhance multicultural understanding.
  • Be sure that all students have knowledge of school rules and consequences for breaking the rules.
  • Add “hard looks” and “stare downs” as actionable offenses to the student code of conduct.
  • Place students and parents on notice.
  • Provide adequate adult supervision. 
  • Develop and enforce a school dress code.
  • Provide teacher training in behavior management.
  • Implement peer counseling and peer mediation programs.
  • Create a student advisory council.
  • Incorporate a life skills curriculum.
  • Develop a student crime prevention program.

References

  • The University of Virginia
  • The Center on Juvenile and Criminal Justice
  • The Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence
  • American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

Add comment June 19, 2008

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Parent Empowerment!

Parent Empowerment!
By Sue Scheff

Are you at your wit’s end? Completely frustrated and stressed out over your child’s behavior? Are you questioning where the child you raised with values went? It is time to empower yourself with information that can help you take control again.

So many parents are desperate to find resolution and peace with their out of control teen. They feel helpless, hopeless, scared, exhausted, and bewildered where this behavior came from.

Many teens are suffering with low self esteem, depression and other negative feelings that are making the act out in defiant ways. It is important to try to resolve these feelings before they escalate to worse behavior, including substance abuse and addiction, sexual promiscuity, eating disorders, self injury, gang involvement, etc.

These teens are usually very intelligent and capable of getting Honor Roll grades, however are not working up to their potential and lack the motivation to succeed and do well. This can stem from peer pressure combined with the teen’s feelings of low self worth. It is one of the most common trends today – highly intelligent teens making bad choices. Are you telling yourself; “This is not my child,” yet soon realize that it is and you must take control of an obvious out of control situation.

As a parent that has experienced and survived a troubled teen – I am introducing “Parent Empowerment” to help you take control of your family again. My goal is that you will learn from my mistakes and gain from my knowledge.

Do you think you are alone? I can assure you, that there are many parents that are in your same situation – and feeling the same frustrations.

Let’s look at things we have tried – and I am confident many of you will see the familiarity with these consequences:

• Remove privileges or place restrictions on cell phones, televisions, computers, going out on weekends, friends, phone time at home, etc. In today’s society, although these should be privileges, most are considered normal necessities of a teen’s life. This can be related to entitlement issues. Click Here http://www.helpyourteens.com/entitlement_issues.html Many instances even if you have removed the privileges, the child knows he/she will eventually get them back, and find other means to communicate with their teen world.

• Change schools – How many times have we believed if we change the school the problems will go away? Maybe in some cases, however these issues will follow your child into the next school environment. The problems may be masked in the beginning, but in most cases, the trouble will soon arise again. Changing schools, although may temporarily resolve some problems; it is rarely the answer when teens are emotionally struggling.

• Have your child go live with a relative out of state? Wow, this is very common, but the other similarity is that in many situations it is a short term resolution before the family is calling and saying they can’t do it any longer – you need to find another alternative for the teen. This can be traumatic and stressful for both families involved and cause friction that could result in more negative feelings.

• How many families have actually moved? Believe or not, parents have looked for job transfers or other avenues to try to remove their teen from the environment they are currently in. So many of us believe it is the friends, which it could be, however as parents we need to also take accountability – this is not saying we are to blame, but we need to understand that our children are usually not the “angels” we believe they are. Sure they are athletic, played varsity sports (football, track, golf, swim team, dance etc.), musically gifted, or other special talents as well as were in all advanced placement classes – but reality is, if you are reading this, this has changed.

• Seeking a therapist will help. Yes in some cases it will. And of course, we should all try this avenue first. Unfortunately more times than not, the teens are already a master manipulator and can breeze through these sessions convincing the therapist the parents are the problem. I know many of you have probably already experienced this. The other concern with therapy is that in many situations the one hour once or twice a week can barely scratch the surface of what a family with a troubled teen may require.

• Was your child arrested? If your child has committed a crime, chances are they will be arrested. If your child has become belligerent in the home and you fear for your safety or the safety of your family, again chances are they will be arrested. In some cases with first time offenders the charges could be dropped. However if this becoming a chronic problem, you seriously should consider outside help. When a teen is arrested and placed in a juvenile detention center, even for one night, they are exposed to a different element that could either scare him/her or harden them. Teens can learn bad habits in these centers, or potentially worse, make friends with teens that have far worse problems than yours.

• Scared Straight Programs or Boot Camps – Are they effective? Many parents will seek a local weekend Scared Straight Program or Boot Camp. In some cases, it may have a positive effect on your teen – a wake up call so to speak; however in other cases it may worsen your problem. Depending on your child and the problems you are dealing with or how long they have been going on, may help you to determine if these types of programs would be beneficial or detrimental to them. Some teens will leave a Boot Camp or weekend Scared Straight program with more anger and resentment than when they entered it. The resentment is usually directed at the person that placed them there – not at the program. This can open doors to more destructive behavior. Personally, I am not in favor of Boot Camps or Scared Straight Weekend programs. A visit to a jail with a police officer, giving the teen the awareness of what could happen to them, may be a better way to help the teen to understand consequences of the current behavior.

These above efforts are avenues parents could try before considering any type of boarding school program. I believe exhausting all your local resources should be the first path. Making a decision to place a child outside of the home is a major decision and one that is not to be taken lightly. It is important you educate yourself – empower yourself with information to help you make the best decision for your child. Here is a list of questions to ask schools and programs in order to determine if they are a fit for your teen.

Click here: http://www.helpyourteens.com/questions_to_ask_schools.html
Helpful Hints: http://www.helpyourteens.com/helpful_hints.html when searching for schools and programs.

An educated parent is an empowered parent. Parent Empowerment! Take control of your family life again. Don’t be a parent in denial – take control and become empowered! I believe giving your child a second chance to have a successful life is our responsibility as a concerned parent.

Visit www.helpyourteens.com and order www.witsendbook.com today.

Add comment June 17, 2008

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) How Special Time Works with Teens

Author: Patty Wipfler
Source: Hand in Hand

 

Special Time* is a simple idea that carries a lot of power! It’s a highly dependable way to build and to rebuild a close connection with a child.

The power of Special Time is that it puts the parent in the “back seat” of the parent/child relationship. The child does the steering. Until you do Special Time, it’s hard to detect habits of control and direction that you may have adopted in your interactions with your child. Special Time helps a parent pull away from those habits, and gives the child a chance to bask in the parent’s approval and demonstrate his own preferences and interests.

Children often ask for kinds of play or interaction that a parent wouldn’t usually choose, or wouldn’t think of. The child’s choices are a direct but nonverbal communication about what he likes, his issues, or possibly the places he has become stuck in a rut of fascination or worry. But in any case, Special Time makes it safe for a child to “show himself” in ways that he might not usually dare to, because the parent has agreed to pay attention, to support the child’s ideas, and has sworn not to allow anything to interrupt. The sense of closeness and caring that children derive from Special Time builds their confidence in their ability to think, to love, and to learn.

Used wisely, Special Time can be a powerful tool for creating and repairing connection between parent and teen, too. Here are a few things to remember when setting out to try Special Time with your teenager.

  • Teens need their parents to reach out for a genuine connection. Think for a minute about why you want to be close to your teenager. Think about what you used to love to do with him or her, and what has been fun recently. Think about his or her longings and the things your teen is interested in. Offer to spend one-on-one time, not because you “should,” or because a problem needs to be solved, but because you want your life and his life to be good, and good together.
  • It’s helpful to set the guidelines, so your teen’s hopes aren’t raised, then dashed unnecessarily. How much time can you really spend? How much money can you spend? Do you have transportation? How far can you go? Will you buy things you don’t usually allow, i.e., candy, soda, body piercings, or not?
  • Don’t bring up sore subjects. This is a time to put your attention on the good things about your teen, not on your irritations or worries. If you must bring up difficult topics, make an appointment for that, totally separate from Special Time. Let this time be led by your teen, not your worries or upsets.
  • If your offer of time together is rejected, don’t give up! There are at least two things you can do to move things forward.
    1. The first and most important one is to set up a good amount of time for a Listening Partnership, so you can talk fully about yourself and your teenager. What’s great in your relationship with him, and what’s difficult? What was life like for you at that age? What was your relationship like when he was an infant? A toddler? It’s surprisingly helpful for parents to have 45 minutes or an hour to consider the big picture of their relationship without advice or interruption. Talking about one’s own experiences, and noticing the feelings that make it hard to show respect, affection, or encouragement toward your teen will help to move the relationship between you forward.
    2. The second thing a parent can do is to initiate time together without announcing it, and without drawing attention to it. This might mean taking a magazine into your teenager’s room and plopping down on the bed while he’s doing homework, moving close to really listen to the words of the songs on your daughter’s favorite CD, or being awake and ready with a snack when your teen comes home late at night. Prepare yourself to pay attention to your teen, but in a low-key way. You’re “leaning toward him,” not rushing in to ask questions or try to be his best friend. Look for opportunities to offer approval. Discipline yourself not to ask probing questions. Just hang out.

      You’re “trolling” for an opportunity to engage. Your teen might not take immediate advantage of your unspoken availability. He may look like he doesn’t notice. That’s fine. You’re learning to let him be in the driver’s seat during these unannounced Special Times. You are making a commitment in your mind and heart to offer your attention, and to trust him to take the offer eventually. Every time you hang around, content to be in your teen’s presence, you’re making it safer for your teen to eventually talk with you about important things. The path won’t be short or certain, but carving out times when you decide not to be busy, and you set out no demands or expectations, will take you in a good direction.

Special Time, tailored by you for your own circumstances with your teenager, can make a big difference at times of trouble. Having one-on-one time during which you offer approval, interest, and no reference to difficulties can help break the isolation that glues a rough spot affecting a teen and his parents in place.

Read the entire article here: http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_How_Special_Time/

 

Add comment June 16, 2008

Sue Scheff: Dealing With Your 18 Year Old “Child”

At this time of year, it seems we are contacted by more and more parents that have an 18 year old or a 17 year old that is almost 18. If you have been struggling with your younger teen and like many of us, keep hoping and praying it will change, take a moment to think about if it doesn’t. Don’t miss opportunities to give your child a second chance for a bright future. Whether it is local therapy, summer motivational program or a Boarding School, as parents we do what is best for our kids.

“My 18 year old is out of control and I am at my wit’s end! What can I do?” Anonymous Parent.

18 - 19 year old teens can be the most difficult to address simply because they are considered adults and cannot be forced to get help. As parents, we have limited to no control. Practicing “Tough Love” is easier said than done, many parents cannot let their child reach rock bottom ? as parent’s, we see our child suffering whether it is needing groceries or a roof over their head and it is hard to shut the door on them.

I think this is one of the most important reasons that if you are a parent of a 16-17 year old that is out of control, struggling, defiant, using drugs and alcohol, or other negative behavior? I believe it is time to look for intervention NOW. I am not saying it needs to be a residential treatment center or a program out of the home, but at least start with local resources such as therapists that specialize with adolescents and preferable offer support groups.

It is unfortunate that in most cases the local therapy is very limited how it can help your teen. The one hour once a week or even twice, is usually not enough to make permanent changes. Furthermore getting your defiant teen to attend sessions can sometimes cause more friction and frustrations than is already happening.

This is the time to consider outside help such as a Therapeutic Boarding School or Residential Treatment Center. However these parents with the 18-19 year olds have usually missed their opportunity. They were hoping and praying that at 16 or 17 things would change, but unfortunately, if not address, the negative behavior usually escalates.

In the past 7+ years I have heard from thousands of parents and most are hoping to get their child through High School and will be satisfied with a GED. It is truly a sad society of today’s teens when many believe they can simply drop out of school. Starting as early as 14 years old, many teens are thinking this way and we need to be sure they know the consequences of not getting an education.

Education in today’s world should be our children’s priority however with today’s peer pressure and entitlement issues, it seems to have drifted from education to defiance being happy just having fun and not being responsible.

I think there are many parents that debate whether they should take that desperate measure of sending a child to a program and having them escorted there but in the long run you need to look at these parents that have 18-19 year olds that don’t have that opportunity.

While you have this option, and it is a major decision that needs to be handled with the utmost reality of what will happen if things don’t change. The closer they are to 18 the more serious issues can become legally. If a 17+ year old gets in trouble with the law, in many states they will be tried as an adult.

This can be scary since most of these kids are good kids making very bad choices and don’t deserve to get caught up the system. As a parent I believe it is our responsible not to be selfish and be open to sending the outside of the home. It is important not to view this as a failure as a parent, but as a responsible parent that is willing to sacrifice your personal feelings to get your child the help they need.

At 18, it is unfortunate, these kids are considered adults - and as parents we basically lose control to get them the help they need. In most cases, if they know they have no other alternatives and this is the only option the parents will support, they will attend young adult programs that can offer them life skills, emotional growth, education and more to give them a second opportunity for a bright, successful future.

Parent’s Universal Resource Experts www.helpyourteens.com
Sue Scheff www.suescheff.com

Wit’s End Book  www.witsendbook.com

Add comment June 14, 2008

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