It’s Not My Kid: Parents In Denial

NotMyKid2On a weekly basis parents will continue to blame the friends or the other kids that their teen is hanging out with for the bad choices their child is making.  You have to think, if the parent can’t come to some accountability—how can we expect the teen to?

Have you stopped to consider your child (teenager) has made a choice to hang out with that peer group?  They have free will not to hang out with that negative choice of friends–however that is where they believe they fit in.

Why?

Low self-esteem?  Belief that it is a cool group?  Desire to be part of a group even if it is a less than desirable one?

I speak to parents on a weekly basis and often hear how parents can make excuses for their teen.  Whether it is a friend’s fault–the school’s fault–the fault of an ex-spouse–you name it, rather than putting the blame on the person that is making the bad choices, some parents have a difficult time admitting their once good child is now making such negative decisions.

Don’t be a parent in denial; you are only hurting your child.  The sooner you recognize your teen needs help the sooner you can get on the path to recovery and healing in your home.

Do you feel like you are hostage in your home to your teen’s behavior?  At any moment  your teen could explode in a rage over something that didn’t go their way?

You shouldn’t have to live that way.  In life we don’t always get what we want all the time – actually most of the time.  Teens need to learn early that respecting authority, especially their parents, is a priority.  If you are giving your teen their boundaries and they are defying them you are heading down a road of trouble.  Start with consequences and don’t waiver.  Never threaten what you can’t follow through with.

If you feel you have exhausted all your local resources and including therapy, visit www.helpyourteens.com and consider the next step.  It may prove beneficial.  It is important to be proactive and don’t forget, academics are important too.  Just because your defiant child is out-of-control doesn’t mean they are going to skip out on school!

Be an educated parent, you will have safer teens!

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Teens and Drug Use: Medicine Abuse

Today, roughly one out of three teenagers knows someone who has abused over-the-counter (OTC) cough medicine to get high.

Studies show that abuse of prescription and OTC medicines is a problem among today’s teens. Teens might abuse OTC cough medicine because it is affordable and easily available, and teens may believe it is “less dangerous” than illegal drugs. Today, roughly one out of three teenagers knows someone who has abused OTC cough medicine to get high.

While millions of Americans rely on OTC cough medicines containing the cough suppressant ingredient dextromethorphan (DXM) for cough relief, some teens ignore labelling instructions and intentionally take large amounts of DXM – sometimes more than 25 times the recommended dose of these medicines – to get high. This means some teens ingest multiple packages or bottles of OTC cough medicines.
Learn the side effects  and warning signs  to make sure OTC cough medicine abuse does not go unnoticed in your home.

Learn more at StopMedicineAbuse.org and follow them on Twitter and join them on Facebook.

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Need help with your teenager, contact www.helpyourteens.com.

Drug Use and Your Teenager: 10 Warning Signs

Parent denial is very common. Not one parent wants to admit that their own child may be drifting off in a negative direction. However if you ignore the obvious signs, you are no better than condoning this substance abuse.

Tips to help prevent substance abuse:
 
1. Communication is the key to prevention. Whenever an opportunity arises about the risks of drinking and driving or the dangers of using drugs, take it to start a conversation.
2. Have a conversation not a confrontation. If you suspect your teen is using drugs, talk to them. Don’t judge them, talk to them about the facts of the dangers of substance abuse. If your teen isn’t opening up to you, be sure you find an adolescent therapist that can help.
3. Addict in the family? Do you have an addict in your family? Sadly many families have been effected by someone that has allowed drugs to take over their lives. With this, it is a reminder to your teen that you want them to have bright future filled with happiness. The last thing you want for them is to end up like ____.
4. Don’t be a parent in denial. There is no teenager that is immune to drug abuse. No matter how smart your teen is, or athletic they are, they are at risk if they start using. I firmly believe that keeping your teen constructively busy, whether it is with sports, music or other hobbies they have, you will be less at risk for them to want to experiment. However don’t be in the dark thinking that your teen is pulling a 4.0 GPA and on the varsity football that they couldn’t be dragged down by peer pressure. Go back to number one – talk, talk, talk – remind your teen how proud you are of them, and let them know that you are always available if they feel they are being pressured to do or try something they don’t want to.
5. Do you know what your teen is saying? Listen or watch on texts or emails for code words for certain drug lingo. Skittling, Tussing, Skittles, Robo-tripping, Red Devils, Velvet, Triple C, C-C-C-, Robotard are some of the names kids use for cough and cold medication abuse. Weed, Pot, Ganja, Mary Jane, Grass, Chronic, Buds, Blunt, Hootch, Jive stick, Ace, Spliff, Skunk, Smoke, Dubie, Flower, Zig Zag are all slang for marijuana.
6. Leftovers. Are thereempty medicine wrappers or bottles, burn marks on their clothes or rug, ashes, stench, etc in their room or if they own a car, in their car?Teens (and tweens) either take several pills or smash them so all of it is released at once. Be sure to check all pockets, garbage cans, cars, closets, under beds, etc. for empty wrappers and other evidence of drug use. Where are your prescription drugs? Have you counted them lately?
7. Body language. Tune into changes in your teen’s behavior.Changing peer groups, altering their physical appearance and/or lack of hygiene, eating or sleeping patterns changing, hostile and uncooperative attitude (defiance), missing money or other valuables from the home, sneaking out of the house, etc.
8. Access to alcohol. Look around your home, is there liquor that is easily accessible? Teens admit getting alcohol is easy-and the easiest place to get it is in their home. Know what you have in the house and if you suspect your teen is drinking, lock it up! Talk to them about the risks of drinking, especially if they are driving.
9. Seal the deal. Have your teen sign a contract to never drink and drive. Students Against Drunk Driving (SADD) www.saddonline.com provides a free online contract to download. It may help them pause just the second they need to not get behind that wheel.
10. Set the example, be the example. What many parents don’t realize is that you are the leading role model for your teen. If your teen sees you smoking or drinking frequently, what is the message you are sending? Many parents will have a glass of wine or other alcoholic beverage, however the teen needs to understand you are the adult, and there is a reason that the legal drinking age is 21.

Do you have a teen that you suspect is using drugs? Have you exhausted all your local resources? Take the time to learn about residential therapy, visit www.HelpYourTeens.com. Each teen and family are unique, there are many teen help programs, knowing how to locate the one best for you can be a challenge, however Parents’ Universal Resource Experts in can help, starting with a free consultation.

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Be an educated parent, you will have healthier teens.

Teen Help Programs: The Difficult Choices

School is about over, the grades are in and you realize that your teen has failed some courses.

You also have realized they really don’t care much about their education at all!

Unfortunately I hear this more and more from parents today.  We have extremely intelligent children capable of getting A’s and not working up to their academic potential.  What is going on?

Teens that would rather either just get a GED or some that want to quit school all together!  Years ago that wouldn’t even cross our minds -but today these kids don’t recognize the importance of an education.

Especially in today’s financial world.

Some parents are also dealing with their smoking marijuana.  Some just brush it under the table and say that it is the same as when the were kids.  Well, it isn’t.  Pot today can be far more lethal than it was generations prior.

Whether you are  parent that is feeling hostage in their own home or a parent that feels their teen is heading down a dark path, you now have determined you need outside help there are steps that every parents needs to take.

I always tell parents that they need to exhaust all local avenues.  Short of your teen being 17+ years old, (since at that age you only have 12 months to do something – and do it quickly) – you have options to start with.

Local therapy, support groups, community centers, youth groups and youth pastors, sometimes sending your teens to live with a relative, changing schools…. these are all options that may work.  Sadly – many times they don’t – which is when you have to face it is time for residential therapy.

As you get online you have to be so careful of all these wonderful, colorful websites – tearful testimonials – slick sales reps and toll free numbers to God knows where.  Remember, this is your child you are searching for, not a car.

I created Parents’ Universal Resource Experts, Inc (P.U.R.E.) exactly for parents in need – parents that have reached their wit’s end and don’t know where to turn.   On my site you will even find helpful hints in researching schools and programs and questions to ask.

I urge parents to read my story – when I struggled with my own teen daughter and the mistakes I made.

Remember, this is a major financial and emotional decision – take  your time and make an educated decision.

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Family conflict: When parents and teens are at battle at home

Family conflict can be stressful on everyone.

Raising teens today can be contentious and get your blood pressure boiling.  The lack of respect towards parents and most authority is very disturbing in today’s society.  I often say the sense of entitlement issue can be a large cause of today’s defiant teens.  Either way, parents are struggling with kids that are literally holding parents hostage in their own homes.

Are you looking for residential therapy for your at-risk teenager?

Are they a good teen making bad choices?  You don’t want to place them in a school or program that has a hard-cord element, a type of teen that will actually create more negative issues.

After all, your teen is highly intelligent, was once a rising athlete, interested in sports, music or other clubs at school or even in your community.  Now they are hanging out with less than desirable peers and have become someone you don’t even recognize.

You hop on the Internet, as most 2012 parents do and start typing in all sort of key words – and before you know it – you are bombarded with all sorts of programs and schools and “sales reps” that seem to have answers – or so you think.

This is when you need to step back and understand that YES, you do need help, you do need an intervention and you do need to remove your teen from their environment enable to get them the help they need.  Let’s face it, therapy isn’t working anymore – if you can even get them to attend.

My mantra has been – learn from my mistakes when I wen through this.  Read – www.aparentstruestory.com – and you will see you need to take your time.  It is not to scare you – it is to educate you.


Here are a few tips to remember:

  • Look for programs that are not attached to “sales reps”.  You want to speak directly to an owner or director.  Someone that has a vested interest in your teen.  Someone that their reputation will be reflected on your child’s success (or lack of).  Someone who you can hold accountable through the duration of your teen’s stay.
  • Look for the ACE factor.  A=Academics – Always ask for a copy of their accreditation for education – be sure it is transferable back to where you live.  C=Clinical – Be sure the clinical staff is credentialed. E=Enrichment programs – These are critical to be sure your teen is stimulated in a positive direction to want to make better choices.  This isn’t about breaking your child down, it is about building them up.
  • Ask for parent references of parents with the same gender and age of your own teenager.  Also take it a step further.  Ask for families that are in your same geographical area.  This way maybe you will be able to meet with them and possibly even the graduate of the program you are considering.
  • Keep in mind – Short term programs – short term results.  Don’t get sucked into them.

I have many more tips and offer free parent consultation at www.HelpYourTeens.com.

Don’t reach your wit’s end and make a rash decision – made an education choice…. Be an educated parent – this a major emotional and financial decision.

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Educational Consultants: Who Are They?

Over and over again I will hear from parents that are either considering hiring an Educational Consultant, or have hired one.

What is an Educational Consultant? (EC)  They are an individual that may or may not have qualifications to help you place your troubled teen into a treatment center.  Years ago, EC’s were mainly used for parents that needed help in finding the right colleges for their teens, help with their applications etc.

As our world turned, the need for help in the troubled teen industry grew.  It became a new outlet for EC’s to make money.  As the Internet was growing, more and more parents and teens were able to do all their college searches online – and get information at their finger tips.

Well, the Internet has expanded again – with the help of Facebook, Blogs, forums etc more parents are able to do their searches for residential therapy without the help and extra fees of an EC.  However, it is difficult to decide what is best for your teenager or what online information is true, false or fabricated.

As a parent of a troubled teen, I went through all these motions.  From the EC to the Internet scams – I hit it all.  My story is not a happy one, however it is one that thousands of families have learned from.

I ended up with a program that did more harm than good, and with that, followed years of litigation and my strong desire to find out what this “big business of teen help” is all about.

For over a decade I have made it my mission – I have seen and visited many good, bad and ugly programs.  But what I have heard over and over again is the EC Shuffle which is just as disturbing as finding a bad program.

Almost every family I spoke with that hired an EC were given the same advice – Wilderness – then we will see – and of course, by the fourth week of Wilderness they are telling the parents – we need to go to step two – a residential boarding school….. So this teen that thought he was leaving to go home within 6-8 weeks now finds out he is going to yet another program.

He/she will have to start all over again with their issues, new program, new staff and more feelings of abandonment all over again.

EC’s have told parents that Wilderness will help break their teen down to be better prepared for a therapeutic boarding school – but correct me if I am wrong, isn’t our teen already broken?  Why are we looking for help?

Either way, it is just very disheartening that when parents are at their weakest moment they believe what they hear from what they assume are experts.

Full Disclosure: I am not against Wilderness programs, many teens have a wonderful experience, but many parents can’t afford them – and please don’t regret it.  There are some good EC’s out there – like every business, you need to do your due diligence.

At the end of the day, you need to find what is best for your teen, as a parent you are capable of making these choices.  You may just need some sound guidance – visit www.HelpYourTeens.com and you will find lists of questions, hints in searching and much more.

I just believe enough is enough when it comes to this EC Shuffle….

Teen Transportation, Teen Escorts, Transporting Teens: Getting Your At-Risk Teen SAFELY to a Teen Help School

Lorraine Colpitts, Owner of Safe and Sound Transportation

If you have never had to deal with a teenager that has been out-of-control or extremely defiant, using drugs, hanging with the wrong peer group or making extremely bad choices, you may never hear of teen transportation or also known as teen escorts.

For the many families that have employed the services of a teen transportation company, one name always is clear – Safe and Sound Youth Transportation.

When a parent comes to the conclusion they need to get their teen outside help of a residential therapy school or program, many will contact the owner of Safe and Sound Youth Transportation, Lorraine Colpitts.  What you will find is a caring, nurturing, well-educated and professional in her field on the other end of the phone.

Just recently a Broward County family used the services of Safe and Sound Youth Transportation and as difficult as it was, it was a decision they made in the best interest of their daughter. As their daughter was smoking pot, frequently not coming home and simply defied her parent’s, Carol and Mark (names are changed for confidentiality) knew they had to do something.

After contacting Parents’ Universal Resource Experts, and determining what the best program would be for their 16  year-old daughter, their next call was to Lorraine at Safe and Sound Youth Transportation.

Carol said: “This was literally the hardest decision my husband and I have ever had to make.  Our fears were eased after talking to Lorraine.  The level of professionalism with genuine care put me at ease.”

Mark added: “I never thought this would ever happen to our family, especially my angel [referring to his daughter], but she was running  her life into a dark hole and we didn’t see any other way out.  After trying therapy at home, it just wasn’t working.  I am not thrilled it came to this, but knowing there are experts out there to guide us, really helped us to make this decision.

Lorraine Colpitts said she speaks with parents on a daily basis and assures them they are not alone.  She give them support both emotionally as well as getting them to the next step of healing for the family.

If you are a family that is struggling with an at-risk teen, know there is help out there.  Realize there may be many teen escorts, however using one that is licensed and insured to transport teens is critical.  You don’t want just anyone transporting your teen, be sure they use ethical methods, and understand that your child’s safety is priority.

Mission statement from Safe and Sound Youth Transportation:

To ensure the Safe and Reliable Intervention/Transport of your teen from your home or your child’s current placement to your chosen destination in the most professional, yet nurturing and efficient manner possible.

We go the extra miles….

We take having the responsibility of your child very seriously and will see them all the way through this part of their journey. We are committed to you and your family, and will always treat them with the utmost dignity and respect, kindness and compassion.

For more information call Lorraine at 1-866-990-1900 or visit www.safeandsoundtransportation.com.

Order today!

Lorraine Colpitts also contributed to Health Communications parenting book, Wit’s End, Advice and Resources for Saving your Out-of-Control Teen by Sue Scheff.